Post partum OCD?

[AngeleyesUKParticipantParticipant]

This is what I find, the logical brain arguing against the OCD brain.    You know logically you wouldn’t have done it but your OCD brain keeps making you feel as if you did and also giving you the guilty feeling like you did.    I have never experienced urges as such with OCD but it’s messed me up because it makes you feel like you could possibly act on the thought which terrifies me cos of course I never would.

[Ocdocdocd9Participant]

Oh I know how you feel my love. How are you today? X

[AngeleyesUKParticipantParticipant]

I have struggled a bit today with feeling low in myself.    Feeling like I’ve done something wrong, that I have spoiled things, failed as a new mum and how could I possibly think/have images of things like this about my beautiful baby who I love dearly.     Gutted that they ever had to cross my mind.    But I guess being a anxiety and OCD sufferer prior to pregnancy was going to have an effect somewhere..   think I was probably perfectionistic in my expectations of how it would be after coming home but now these ocd thoughts have occurred it feels like it’s spoilt everything.    Hubby keeps saying you haven’t done anything wrong, you haven’t spoilt anything.     Why oh why though won’t that stick in my brain? Yet my brain happily believes the worst ? x

[Ocdocdocd9Participant]

Your hubby is right my lovey. Unfortunately no matter how many times he or I reassure you, it won’t help. I know this from experience. I feel like a lousy wife over this too, but my hubby keeps telling me I haven’t done anything wrong. You are a great mum, if you weren’t you wouldn’t be on here panicking about it, believe me. I hope that can give you a little bit of comfort. One thing I find though is my ocd gets better at night, does yours? Mines worse through the day. I wonder why :S

It’s so confusing. Ocd is just a confusing disorder. One thing that helps me is to keep my mind busy, I’ve started doing spot the difference on my phone lol and word searches. It sucks that I have to keep my mind busy to get peace but that’s what I have to do. Xx

[AngeleyesUKParticipantParticipant]

Hi,

I know what you mean, no matter how many times our hubby’s tell us we haven’t done anything wrong or we try to reassure ourselves it doesn’t seem to work.

I’m just finding it hard feeling scared all the time whether I’ve done something wrong or not, even though I know I wouldn’t be capable of doing such a thing.

I’m feeling trapped and unsure how to get out of it.    Feeling like I don’t deserve to enjoy or do anything in life.

[Ocdocdocd9Participant]

I completely understand your feelings. I feel the same. Like I don’t deserve happiness or joy or a normal life because I don’t know if I’ve done something terrible. It’s truly awful isn’t it? I just think, why would I do something so out of character. What would posess me to do that? I wouldn’t do it sober so why would I suddenly do it drunk? Do you know what I mean? How are you today? X

[AngeleyesUKParticipantParticipant]

Hi, yes I get where you are coming from.    It all feels like mental torture.    Some days like today I just feel overwhelmed by it all and just meltdown and cry.

Even when I try to reassure myself by saying it’s just OCD, it’s a mental illness you’re dealing with, something doubts in my mind like is it really OCD?

Like you said, you think to yourself what on earth would possess me to do anything like that? So out of character? And something that makes me horrified and repulsed.

I worry that I’ll always feel like this, always worry if that thing happened or not.   Though logically I know I wouldn’t have.

When I look at my baby I see a happy little boy.  I tell myself he wouldn’t be that way if I’d hurt him in some way.    But as you know, nothing convinces us and that’s the hard part.

It does feel like a trap, how can I do things in life feeling like I did something wrong? So basically you feel absolutely stuck 🙁

Do you have Facebook?

[Ocdocdocd9Participant]

Hey love, oh gosh I feel so bad for you because I know exactly how it feels! You try to reason with yourself, in my case I go over the night again and again and each time it just gets worse and worse in my mind what could have happened. Maybe I just had some sort of breakdown and that’s why I did it? But I’ve no proof I did it. Thinking of it makes me sick. But if I’ve had a mental breakdown who knows what might have occurred? I’ll tell you what I’ll do, I’ll create a random email account and if u email me on that I can then see if you’re on Snapchat, then I can delete the email so nobody else emails me. X

[AngeleyesUKParticipantParticipant]

Thank you for your understanding, it really helps when someone gets what you’re talking about.     I know how that is, you go over and over in your head the same thing trying to figure out if the feared thing happened but you can be we conclude it and you just end up confused and frustrated.    I’m not on Snapchat but can email you.

[Ocdocdocd9Participant]

So, claudettegarbo at G mail dot com

 

X

[AngeleyesUKParticipantParticipant]

<p style=”text-align: left;”>Thank you</p>

[Ocdocdocd9Participant]

You’re welcome xx

[AngeleyesUKParticipantParticipant]

I just sent you an email hopefully it worked

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