Hi,
I had my lovely little boy 5 months ago, and for the last 4 months I have been suffering with what I think is postpartum OCD but I just wanted to ask others their view?
So I came home with my baby, everything was fine and happy.
And then, I had an intrusive image when we were out of someone sexually harming him. Obviously this disturbed me somewhat and I spent a lot of time going over it and crying. My hubby said, no one came near you. Then it seemed to progress…
An image of me being the one to harm him in this way. Then it went to I couldn’t change his nappy without intrusive thoughts such as r***e coming into mind. The same when I happened to lean over him to dress him. And from then on its just been relentless on this theme.
I feel like I have failed as a new first time mum, disgusted and hateful of myself. I feel like I have spoiled the whole thing of us having this joy coming into our lives which didn’t come easy as I experienced a miscarriage the time before.
The weirdest thing is how now after these thoughts it feels like I have contaminated my son I don’t know how that can be but that’s how it feels.
I’ve felt like I have been in a very dark place mentally and felt like I don’t deserve anything or deserve to live a normal life.
One hard thing is how the images seem real enough where I am questioning was it fake or real? I know deep down I would never ever hurt my baby or any other child. It’s killing me inside. I am in tears most days and very depressed over this and hating myself.
I have seen my GP about this and am waiting to see a psychiatric nurse. GP has diagnosed Postnatal natal depression but I am sure there is some OCD in this.
Any advice?
