Violent thoughts and urges

[Ray78Participant]

It really is the cruelest of conditions. I have the most awful thoughts and urges of violence especially towards people and have done with varying degrees of severity for 25 + years. The last 12 months has been the worst – the terror has been with me from waking up to eventually going to sleep. I really don’t know how I cope; I’ve felt suicidal a lot of the time and stunned so much of my life has been dominated by this. I’m not after advice on treatment as I know the score. I’m really just venting because I’m so unhappy and horrified that coming up to 50 in a month this is still going on.

[johna2Participant]

Yet in all that time, my guess is, youve never actually DONE any really bad stuff. The stuff you fear.

My way of coping is to say that, even if I am an evil, disgusting person, which I don’t believe I am, I’m simply a product of forces beyond my control. I don’t believe in free will, so, whatever is the case, why should I feel excessively bad about myself. I’m simply a product of nature. And nature has made me what I am.

Ocders hold themselves on too tight a chain.

[Author]

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