Hi,
I just need to offload. I’ve had OCD since I was 6 and I’m now 46. I’m currently having EDMR therapy which has kicked up a lot of past trauma and my hormones are all over the place. I can’t have HRT as I have Fibroids but I am going to talk to my GP about getting on a waiting list for Fibroid treatment. I’m not on any medication at the moment, I’ve tried Prozac and Sertraline and both just make me feel numb and my OCD comes back.
I’m so tired of having OCD. I feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve even wondered about checking myself into hospital for my OCD but no idea how.
Everything is a trigger for contamination. I can’t live a carefree life. My brain is scanning everything I come into contact with for blood. I throw things away. Food. Clothes. Anything I think it’s contaminated. I still go to work part time but I’m wondering whether to carry on. It is a good distraction.
I try and rationalise by reading up on how viruses survive eg HIV and Hepatitis. I’m even vaccinated for Hep A and B and yet still my brain is convinced I will catch something.
It’s never been this bad and I feel so alone. I feel guilty for behaving like this and it effecting my partner. His family don’t understand it and I feel an amount of pressure from them to not behave the way I do but I can’t help it. My mother bullied me as a kid for having OCD and told me no one would ever love me because of my OCD.
It’s like my brain has lost all rational thought and I just go in to this trance of OCD. I’ve spent years fighting it but this is the worst it’s ever been. I just don’t know what to do.
