Ocd is getting too real

[IzzyDizzyParticipant]

I feel even more like a disgusting person everyday. What’s causing me to write this is that I had this thought of other people doing things after being reminded of a show that displays a relationship with adults. I felt the need to prove that I didn’t like this thought by thinking of this type of relationship with different ages. But then I felt like I enjoyed it and felt a sensation briefly just as I was about to move on as a image popped into my head. I immediately felt this overwhelming sense of dread. The same dread I feel when having a nightmare, but waking up and realizing it was all fake. But instead I can’t wake up. I then started crying, because I feel like I’m some type of wierdo and it makes me want to die so badly, the only thing that makes me want to live is not wanting to traumatize my family. I’m just so tired of torturing myself everyday nonstop. I decided I can’t sleep tonight. I had a nightmare last night related to both ocd and harm ocd and woke up at five in the morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. I can’t take any risks of that again tonight, especially after this. I just want to think normally again. Now I’m starting to doubt if I ever did.

[Forum Moderators]

Forum moderators here:

We’re sorry you’re having difficulties with your OCD. Thanks for posting about this and please have a look around the forums as some posts about like yours that might help.

You can also contact the OCD Action Helpline to talk to or email someone who understands OCD.

Our Helpline volunteers provide confidential and unbiased help, information and support for people with OCD (and anyone who thinks they may have OCD). Most volunteers have personal experience of OCD; all understand OCD and how it can impact your entire life.

Contact our Helpline by:

• phone: 0300 636 5478 (this is a UK number).
• email: support@ocdaction.org.uk

You can also find out about support groups on our website. These offer a safe place where you can talk openly about OCD and support other people too. Our information about UK-based groups can be found here:

• Local independent support groups: https://ocdaction.org.uk/i-need-support/local-support/
• OCD Action Skype/Phone/Zoom support groups: https://ocdaction.org.uk/i-need-support/ocd-action-skype-phone-zoom-support-groups/

If you don’t live in the UK, you can look for groups near you on the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) website. Look in the section “Find Help” and then under “Listing Types”, choose “Support Groups”: https://iocdf.org/

And please remember that you’re never alone – OCD Action is always here to help and support you.

Best wishes

Forum Moderators

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