OCD around productivity, work and doing ‘enough’

[BeeTea20Participant]

Hi.
I am a teacher and I have been living with OCD since my teenage years.
After a particularly notable spike in intrusive thoughts (not related to teaching) I entered private therapy last year. I have made some small steps of progress but since just before Christmas I have been really struggling.

I obsess about my work and find it very difficult to believe that what I plan and teach is ‘good enough’ despite consistent reassurances over the past 5 years. This leads to me dreading holidays as I work obsessively, struggling to do other things that are not work for fear of not being good enough or something bad happening. I get the urge to do more work, so I do, but then this leads to an avalanche of intrusive thoughts about doing the right thing and not making any mistakes to a point where I find it very difficult to function.

I know that my OCD is primarily responsibility and productivity based, but with intrusive thoughts that also come under other subsets of OCD. My compulsions are overworking, checking, repeatedly asking for reassurance and to an extent skin picking. I know that the ‘rules’ I have set myself and this constant self punishment are not helping but I just can’t seem to stop. My therapist has worked with me on ERP but I find the discomfort unbearable. For example – I had said to myself that I would only do school prep over three days in half term. Today was the final day but already I have cancelled dinner plans and am considering doing more tomorrow because I don’t feel like I have done enough and will inevitably end up failing my students in my failure to be prepared.

I obsess about using time ‘productively’ to the point where I end up becoming so overwhelmed I don’t do anything at all, at which points the intrusive thoughts become louder and more distressing.

I am trying so hard but I honestly am struggling to see a way through.

If anyone has experienced similar I would be keen to know as it feels like I am going mad.

[Forum Moderators]

Forum moderators here:

We’re sorry you’re having difficulties with your OCD. Thanks for posting about this and please have a look around the forums as some posts about like yours that might help.

You can also contact the OCD Action Helpline to talk to or email someone who understands OCD.

Our Helpline volunteers provide confidential and unbiased help, information and support for people with OCD (and anyone who thinks they may have OCD). Most volunteers have personal experience of OCD; all understand OCD and how it can impact your entire life.

Contact our Helpline by:

• phone: 0300 636 5478 (this is a UK number).
• email: support@ocdaction.org.uk

You can also find out about support groups on our website. These offer a safe place where you can talk openly about OCD and support other people too. Our information about UK-based groups can be found here:

• Local independent support groups: https://ocdaction.org.uk/i-need-support/local-support/
• OCD Action Skype/Phone/Zoom support groups: https://ocdaction.org.uk/i-need-support/ocd-action-skype-phone-zoom-support-groups/

If you don’t live in the UK, you can look for groups near you on the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) website. Look in the section “Find Help” and then under “Listing Types”, choose “Support Groups”: https://iocdf.org/

And please remember that you’re never alone – OCD Action is always here to help and support you.

Best wishes

Forum Moderators

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