My bad thoughts and worries have almost always centered around OCD. I’ve gone into more detail about that in previous posts. But at first, it was basically all.
Well, tonight I started having some upsetting thoughts too, and it felt every bit as real as the other terrible feelings always have.
I… I don’t know what to do. I am taking medications for my depression and anxiety, but I have a lot of trouble remembering when to take what and even to take them altogether. I’m just so incredibly miserable, and I feel like eventually it’s gonna turn out that this isn’t OCD at all, and that I’m just a monster. I feel like nobody can help me.
I’ve endured this for roughly 11 years at this point, and it almost always feels like I can’t go on any longer. Honestly, the idea that I’ll be dead someday has become somewhat comforting for me at this point. Having said that, I’m far too big of a coward to commit s***ide, and I get upset when I imagine my friends and family finding out about my death. Like, I cry just thinking about it sometimes.
I don’t know what I’m asking for here. Reassurance? Validation? Maybe just solidarity? I don’t know. Just don’t know.
