My OCD struggle at this time

[TomaszPLParticipant]

Hello Everyone,

I post this topic so this May help me to get over this.

I have been struggling with OCD since I was 9 years old. My ocd themes changed from every possible theme you can name. For now I struggle with mixed Hocd, religious OCD, false memory and contamination. I know that my intrusive thoughts, feeling and urges don’t make any sense, but it’s really hard of letting it go.

For example somehow few months Ago I wanted to be a Christian, I was baptised as Roman Catholic but when I was in my late teens and early 20s I started to follow Slavic Paganism. So I started to Think maybe God can help so I decided to turn back to Christianity, I thought maybe I being punished by God For tuning away from him. So every time I thought about going back to christianity I was bombarded with groinal responses and thought “am I aroused by Jesus? Whas that physical arousal? That groinal surely felt pleasursble” and I felt urge to be a Christian again, so this made me worry and gave me anxiety. Did I choose to be a christian because of getting aroused physically and mentally by Jesus? then when I manage to get over it. Then my false memory OCD kicks in and tells me that “I was aroused by Jesus when I wanted to convert and I want to be christian now because of Arousal I had to Jesus and I probably liked it at that time”. So this makes me Think maybe I should stay and belive in the old ways like I used to, but the I get groinals and what if I have dirt on me such as semen, I can think about my religious beliefs when I am dirty and contaminated by semen. So this is how my OCD mixes themes Hocd, Religious, Contamination and false memory. I know how stupid this sounds, sometimes I laugh at this because it sounds paranoid.

 

So everytime I want to go to church my OCD tells me “You are going there because of that time when You have been aroused by Jesus and this made You be a Christian again” (Hocd and religious OCD) and I try to reassure myself that it’s not True, so my false memory kicks in.

 

So much anxiety, emotional and existencial pain.

[Forum Moderators]

Hi:

Forum moderators here; we’re sorry you haven’t had many replies yet. Please don’t take this personally or ever think you’re alone. It may just be that forum users are taking a bit of  time to consider how to reply and support you.

And please remember that you can also contact the OCD Action Helpline to talk to or email someone who understands OCD.

Our Helpline volunteers provide confidential help, information and support for people with OCD (and anyone who thinks they may have OCD). Most volunteers have personal experience of OCD; all understand how it can impact your entire life. Contact our Helpline by:

• phone: 0300 636 5478 (this is a UK number).
• email: support@ocdaction.org.uk

And please remember that you’re never alone – OCD Action is always here to help and support you.

Best wishes,

Forum Moderators

[johna2Participant]

Groinals are born out of anxiety, not desire.

I don’t think it matters what religion you follow. Personally I think all religions are a product of creative imagination. If it helps you, fine. But try not to guilt yourself. I highly doubt there are any invisible people in the sky wanting to judge and punish you.

It’s good that you can have a laugh. Comedy is a good healer.

[Author]

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