Hello,
I have been here before with many OCD thoughts. I’ve had a few over the last day or so and I can’t seem to cope with them very well. I am 35 years old and male, married.
1. I heard my next door neighbour , and I can hear her today too. She isn’t my type but isn’t bad looking, she is a nice person and she looks out for me. We met her when she moved in. So I now get thoughts of us and I dont think that in itself is a problem as nothing is wrong, but morally in my head I feel like a terrible terrible human being. I wouldn’t want to do that, but I think it’s normal to have those thoughts
2. I have a 19 month daughter who Is my life. I have become a better man since having her. However sometimes she needs rocked to sleep, well she doesn’t now she soothes to sleep, but I was reading her a story and while the chair was rocking it makes a creaking noise. That noise instantly reminds of her, so I just found myself rocking there listening to the creaking sound and imagining, just mindlessly letting my mind think of the sound. Didn’t actually think it was that big a deal, it wasn’t interesting me, and after a bit I was like yeah this is weird I don’t want to be thinking this when I’m holding my daughter. I felt disgusted in myself, as all I’m doing is letting her rest on my shoulder while she babbles away. It was just me being in a moment where I was just day dreaming. I told my wife and she says ” Yeah don’t tell me everything you think, but no it’s hardly a big deal, but some women might call you sad ” I’m like yeah but It was the sound, the sound reminds of that and my mind just wanders, she says ” yeah some women are judgemental ”
So now it’s in my head that my wife will one day need to report me for my intrusive thoughts, get me checked and accuse me. This has popped into my head before and I just forget my daughter is resting on my shoulder so I then feel terrible. Morally terrible as that thought isn’t harming anyone, as in sure millions day dream about women or men, depending on their preference.
3. I’ve now went from just accepting the thought, that no crime was committed and that I would rather not have that thought in my head when my daughter is around, out of respect and that it does make me feel a bit weird.
I know I won’t know what the answer is but can be confident I know im not a sicko and let my mind wander in the wrong moment which I am aware of and will change that.
Now by even typing this I feel I am admitting in some sort of lunatic who needs locking up.
I suppose im either looking for advice or just to get it off my chest. I don’t know.
