For context, I’m an 18 year old and I’ve suffered from what I believed to be ocd in periods for several years. I have never been as anxious as now, and I feel as if this might actually be true…I can’t even imagine what I would do if it was.
It started last night. I had a thought of “what if I might do something bad in the future” etc. I am absolutely repulsed by those kinds of thoughts…but I keep getting the thought that maybe there is some dark horrible part of me that wants to do something like that?!
I also had an intrusive thought today that I felt like I was actually attracted in some sick way. At least I got a response to it. I would never want to do something like that, I would rather die…but still, the thought and the reaction was there.
I don’t know what to do with myself now. To be honest, I am feeling pretty suicidal, but I don’t want to hurt my family . I simply couldn’t live with myself if the thoughts really are true, if I was that twisted and evil. It goes against everything I am.
I just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare.
