I had a situation where I was very drunk and had some thoughts about a friend I was with. I was too drunk to remember how close or not close I may have been to acting on those thoughts, but I ultimately didn’t.
since then, it’s been a permanent spiral. I don’t want to cheat, but I’m convinced I will, I’m convinced I don’t have self control and that I can’t control my desires or lusts, particularly whilst drunk but also just in general day to day life.
it’s been about a month now where all I think about is ‘what if this happened’ ‘what if I had this encounter…’ etc. I’m convinced I’m going to betray my girlfriend and, despite the fact I love her deeply, I am considering ending things with her. I feel like I can’t live with the risk that I could hurt her under certain conditions.
I am seeing a therapist and I’ve been on SSRIs for the past 2/3 weeks but still it’s all day every day I’m panicking and having these thoughts. I’m exhausted. Part of me thinks I am just the type of person who would cheat because I lack self control.
