Reply To: Real Event OCD & Every OCD in Between

[tommy812Participant]

Thanks for your reply and answers to what I said. Growing up in the 90s I was just made out to be a bad child. I remember being at church. Being forced to being baptised because they thought I had the devil in me. And one time they did an exorcist on me. The whole time I was laughing.then I just broke out in to tears. They thought the devil was gone. I renounced god a year later.

I think I have wronged so many people. As I got ill. People just seemed to just ignore me. I mean people I thought were close friends would do stuff with out me. Like going to house parties and telling oh I am busy that night. Then seeing on facebook that they went out. Also they did a group holiday.
then as I got worse all contact stopped. The last time I spoke to my best friend was in 2017. He told me he was going to be a dad. And I told him bluntly that I believe you should not have a child out of wedlock. Like I said I renounced god when I was younger. That was ten years ago. He is still friends with my younger sister and mum. So I still check up on him every now and again. I miss him. We had such a laugh. But at the time I was obsessed with the Catholic Church. Super intensed. Got it in to my head that I was a catholic.

I think in general I had always been jealous of him. He had a new gf every year. He slept around. But he knew if I did not like his current gf by the way I had my back up. If they said something to me that I did not agree with or say anything about me to my face he new what to do.

with the sexual thoughts I find it to intense. I went from the age of 13 till 2019 having sexual thoughts about and around women. Like really intense. Were most men discreetly check out a women I was not so discreet. I would just stare not discreet at all. Like I would all ways make sure I was at the same place as this women I fanced. She all way wore ultra short skirts. I would pick the same place every time to watch her sit with her legs open. Then that would just play on my mind. I think she knew I enjoyed it as she never reacted to me. I obsessed over it. I would get my gf at the time to do it to me in public and at home. I also thought I might have a problem. As I was paying sex cam workers to do the same as weltelling a doctor a couple weeks ago about being a sex addict. And porn addict. She asked have I ever viewed cp. never that’s messed up.

I might order the book you said about.

I am forever bringing up things from the past.and family just mood and agree.

I currently am in a mental health hospital as I tryed to commit suicide. Hopefully getting out next weekend. I hope. I finally feel that I can open up I think.

it would be nice to continue chatting to you.

like how you managed friends and female relationships. And how you managed to find your soul mate who you married. I got more questions than answers.

Tom