Reply To: Can anyone relate to avoidance with a partner

[pinklionParticipant]

Sorry only just seen your reply. I am still struggling on. I asked him just before Christmas if he could give me some idea what was happening and said could he let me know if it was definitely over or if he needed more space and time which I was willing to give. I got a full on rant back which didn’t make much sense and he said consider it over. But then started backtracking saying we could still be friends and that he still loved me. I said I wasn’t looking for friendship and cut contact. Then New Year’s Eve he thought I was out of town and was in one of our shared places. I had changed my plans and he didn’t hear about it. So we bumped into each other. He looked flat and emotionless. It was obvious he is in emotional shutdown. I did not approach him but he stopped me and asked how how I was in a robot voice. I said ok and carried on walking because I didn’t want to trigger his threat response. A couple of days later I messaged him and said I had accepted the relationship was over and I believed we should never revisit it, and I would think about whether I could just be friends. He then messaged to say let’s just see what happens and started talking about how the last episode had seemed hard to come back from. So backtracking again. He asked how I was and started adding kisses to messages again but when I replied he went quiet again. The last message I sent him I said I knew it could take months for him to work things through and that I had only said I didn’t want to revisit the relationship because I thought it was easier for him to have a clean break. He hearted that one. Now I have just gone no contact again. Apparently he is really struggling. I don’t know what to think. He has not sent any horrible messages since he saw me. He is trying not to upset me which is an improvement.