Reply To: Friday night Blog…

[ArchiveParticipant]

Do you have people around you who believe in you? Who would drop everything at a moments notice, who would support you regardless of cost to themselves?

No?

Join the club. The number of people who have let me down, lied to me, betrayed me over the years, is horrendous. People who are high in standing. Church leaders even… They don’t do that do they? I am afraid they do…

So many people are here to be seen…

I was led on to believe that I would be able to fulfil a lifetimes dream… Said leader, led me on for years, until I  literally ran out of money trying to provide my own equipment. When they left, I turned to the others there… They closed ranks on me. Destroyed me… Whilst strengthening their oversized egos at the same time.

As the victim, my situation was made to effectively  be of my own making…

The rotten, greedy, lying… Well, you know what I  mean. No wonder such organisations are losing their audiences…

So, today… Believing in ourselves does not come naturally.  Having a ‘Mummy and Daddy’ to finance me, and tell me I am clever, even when I  am not… (celebrity status), has absolutely never happened for me… My self belief energy is nearly exhausted. I have always had to do better than others around me, simply to be noticed. This sense of failure in other people’s eyes is what drives me to write for you dear reader… We both know what it feels like, to be looked down on, often by those who are far lower in stature than ourselves. Imagine going into a so-called place of worship, without glasses on, to protect me from the way others look at me. People who really should know better, people who use their public image to destroy mine…  am attending a public function tomorrow… Amongst people who present an image of being good, and yet managed to emotionally and financially destroy me… B…….

So… Where do we go today? How do we pull ourselves out of this situation?

As a person of faith, I  will let go, and let God. I will forgive… but never, ever, let them back into my life again… Access denied.

I have supported these people unconditionally for years… And then they ruin me. They are serial takers… Take, Take, Take… The thing is, if I  tell them that I  cannot rely on them for anything, they are totally unreliable, horrible people. They would blow up, and be very offended in family etc. And yet, it is them who have done the damage!!!

Self-promoting, puffed up, saying one thing, when their body language gives away the lies.

We all know people like that…

The important thing  is to step back, one day karma will intervene. Just keep believing that… Karma will intervene. We might not be there to see it, but, yes, they will land on their faces one day.

I have to return to rebuilding my life… I have done it. Not publicist’s or an over protective Mummy and Daddy’ to pay for everything, give me everything I want.

I will be a self-made hero… I  can do that. Just by breathing deeply, smiling at those who really need it, and looking after myself more better. Let’s concentrate on that from our next breath, right here, right now. No giving false hope. Just being ordinary, cos that, at the end of the day, charity does begin at home, and not for the expected tax break. I share of myself… not of a an artificially propped up bank account, or seeking to put myself in front of everyone  to be seen… I am just broken old me, slowly selfmending, hoping to one day, walk into hell to bring someone out… Someone did that for me once.

Okay… That’s it for this week. Let’s all start breathing for real, right now, right this minute.

So, until next week then, Fricay, August 23rd, 18.00 hours uk time. Right here.