My first memory of OCD is walking with my brother and dad, the floor was square tiles and as they walked ahead I felt a odd need to walk back to what we had just walked past, at the time I didn’t even know what OCD was let alone consider I could have it, I honestly just thought I was odd.
It all kicked off tho when I went on a school trip to America… casual I know. I was sat on a bus with all my classmates and suddenly felt this surge of panic wash over me and it became increasingly overwhelming very fast. As soon as we got of the bus I told my teacher as we walked in the burning heat and we ended up believing It was just a mixture of illness and homesickness.
Something changed that day for me mentally, I’m not sure what it was but God it was horrible when you’re supposed to be having fun at Harry Potter world with a damentour but your crying every five minuets… yeah, not the best of times (the one day I didn’t cry though / only tears of joy was at Disney world.. that place is magical I’m telling you).
Although anxiety strikes at the most ransoms times, when at a jungle restaurant I held a baby alligator… that’s right, a BABY ALLIGATOR and wasn’t ‘nervous’ at all, strange thing this mental health.
When at home it got so bad that I literally didn’t want to move and would wrap up in coats because I didn’t want to contaminate anyone and would just cry all the time because it was so overwhelming and rubbish.
I went to councilling and did what I like to call the ‘freeing weep’; whenever someone goes to a psychiatrist or counsiler it’s a well known fact that everyone sobs at the first meeting, it healthy for the soul so the ‘freeing weep’ it is.
Now it’s 7 years and I’ve moved far away from home and am working my way into the music industry, although of course I still battle OCD literally every day of my life even though it often isn’t visible to the public eye, I’m 1000 times stronger now then I was back then, also 1000 times more educated on how my mind works differently to others.
As stated in the beginning, although OCD is a constant battle that we have to fight in our own minds every day, I like to see it as a positive aspect of who I am, It let’s me be more open, less judgemental and more patient with others, it also let’s me speak about my experiences to people like you!
Ocd sucks… but it doesn’t have to.
El