hello, i’m 15 and i know i shouldn’t be on this website due to the age restriction, but the ocd youth link doesn’t bring me to anything and i don’t know what else to do. i’ve been dealing with so much for almost 3 years now and i cannot bottle this up anymore. i’ve had thousands of intrusive thoughts about sexually hurting the people i care about, and thoughts telling me i’m secretly a pedophile or that i’m secretly attracted to a family member. i have intrusive thoughts of slurs appearing in my head and other offensive things i dont believe at all. i have intrusive thoughts telling me to hurt myself or that i need to be punished, and sometimes i start to believe those thoughts and it scares me. i don’t want to hurt myself, but after my mind tells me for so long that i’m a terrible person, i start to believe that maybe i am. i’ve dealt with countless moral dilemmas over these years too, all i want is to be a good person.
recently i’ve also started having more fears of germs. it’s a smaller thing, but every time i wash my hands again or use sanitizer i feel like it’s getting worse. i’m scared of the uncertainty that what i’m touching or eating could have germs. i’m not even too afraid of getting sick, i just feel the need to wash after touching anything i perceive as dirty.
i’m so tired of being scared and i need help but i can’t tell my parents because i don’t want them to think my intrusive thoughts are genuine and that i actually want to hurt people. i’m scared of getting help because i don’t want anyone to know about this, but i don’t know what else to do. i just need to talk to someone.
