Hi guys
I’m reaching out because I would really like some advice.
The OCD I have had for the last 17 years is sensorimotor. Due to its physical nature, the way I behave (body language, facial expressions and anxiousness) can make other people consider that it may have happened (my biggest fear) It has been very very embarrassing for years and nearly killed me a good few times.
Due to the stress it’s caused I also developed serious addictions which I am also quite ashamed about. It was mainly eating and alcohol binge drinking, plus class a drugs.
The thing is this shame and embarrassment is messing with me progressing in life. I self sabotage all the time and it’s because I’m scared that I’ll do well and ppl will get to know my past and it will all fall apart.
I have a big thing about being embarrassed then rejected, and I’m scared of succeeding in case my past is brought up and I am embarrassed on a much larger scale.
In terms of the sensorimotor OCD, I am so much better now, but I’m holding back because I’m scared it might come back, or people will bring it back up because they get jealous (something certain best friends have always done)
I really want to get on with my life but I am scared that if I come “out of the shadows”certain people will try to send me back there. Or eventually, it will all fall apart because people will notice. I’m still quite confused it seems
Does any of this sound familiar?
thanks guys
