Reply To: I wonder if it’ll ever get better?

[ArchiveParticipant]

Hi there, and Welcome… I don’t know about Better… But Better than… Most definitely yes. Yes!

It can take a while though…  I’m in my sixties… But what I do hold firm to is, that I needed to come through it all, to get to where I am today. Which is really actually kind of alright.

My hobbies/gifts, if you like, are now beginning to show themselves for the wonderfulness that they are. I get to dress how I want, and be myself, and get away with it. I giggle a lot these days. I tend to find a lot of good stuff going on around me, despite the horrors going on in the wider world.  There are things that only I can do well. My music is amazing, as are the instruments I now own. Despite being a sixty plus year old Grandad, I have a lot of what I call, ‘Cuddlies’, brightly coloured  plush toys that I have got from charity shops. They’ve all been handled before me, so contamination OCD is being hammered into touch, so to speak.

In a ‘church’ environment, I am me, as me, how I need to be for myself. (I actually take off my spectacles occassionally, so I don’t see disapproving looks from anyone, if there are any or not!  I feel proud of myself for the first time in decades, without having to be told by others that they are proud of me. At school it was always focussing on what I needed to be better at, or what I couldn’t do…

I know that I have autistic traits… But that has made me incredibly gifted at some things… Okay, not everything. But is anyone ever really good at everything? Surely they need the rest of us people for something? They may not know it yet, but they most definitely do.

In the world today, there are some incredible metaphorical ‘Rainbows’. But, just like the real rainbows, we don’t always see them right in front of us. The ‘Media’ tends to bombard us with metaphorical ‘Rain’. Metaphorical ‘Sunshine’ doesn’t sell ‘units’ of books, magazines and papers etc.  And don’t get me started on ‘Soap opera’s’, just going by the magazine covers, they are basically what I would call ‘Downers’.

Right now. The room I am in is full of natural light. Huge windows along one wall. I have an electric heater  running, just to make the room cosy. And my chair is actually quite comfortable. The only sound in the room is the fan heater, otherwise I would have music on. Favourite music… Mainly pop. On large speakers with gentle warm bass. But cheerful.

And as to whether or not ‘God’ has a sense of humour, despite the state everything is in… I don’t know, but they must certainly be pretty tolerant, to put up with the way ‘World leaders’ etc. are behaving.

I tend to be drawn to the words of ‘Desiderata’, and the recording by Les Crane.  Also ‘If’, narrated by Telly Savalas, is a nice track to listen to. ‘Celtic Woman’, on youtube. Very relaxing and soothing.

Wannabe