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    Choking on flowers

      Triggering topics are mentioned in this, so if you are easily triggered, don’t read it.

      I guess OCD has gotten me to question my morality a lot this past year. Now I’m just afraid that I was never as innocent and good as I once thought I was. I used to think I was carefree, not caring about what I did or what I enjoyed, or what I believed in, but ever since OCD started, I began to view myself differently. Now I ask myself, was I ever a good person to begin with? In the past, I suffered a lot of trauma from my peers. I was bullied and belittled constantly, many of my friends would get into physical fights that I had to witness, and I was harassed and abused by my peers too. And because of all that, I believe it made me who I am today. I am obsessed with my thoughts constantly, afraid that I’ve been a sick person all this time without even realizing it. I hated them so much, that I began to fear that maybe I was just as sick as them. Because I couldn’t handle the situations I was constantly put in, I would lash out at others resulting in me hurting other people. Usually, I’d try to think up of old times back before ocd began, but now I even feel ashamed to do that because back then I was still an overall toxic person, despite feeling so careless and genuinely happy. Now I’m just shameful of my whole self and ashamed of my life. I don’t know if I ever was good or not. I’m sorry.

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