Wannabefree’s Friday night Blog…

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi everyone. I have just tried to find a copy of my cv… I would like to work in care work, to help. The last time I wrote one with help… 1986… at the then manpower services commision. Long since gone…

No trace on any computer or hard drive…

I have to try…  Wish me luck!

Sometimes life is almost impossible. Sometimes, we have to do far more than is fair… I  have tried to live reasonable honestly. Ha! Ha!

That actually makes me look and feel really stupid…

I am just about to make my umpteenth coffee of the day…

Earlier, I took a large bag of soft plastic to the recycling thingy in the supermarket… I go a certain way… So I can grab some smiles on the way… Very important that, grab some smiles.

Burnout is when a giver has had everything they have to give, taken away by the takers of the world… And we all know takers… Be careful, they operate above the law…

You may have guessed,  I  am a bit low today… A lot of the stress from the last few years have been dealt with today. I get told off for moaning sometimes… By the very people who should have protected me from the bullying I was undergoing. Why do people round up against the victims in society? Don’t I have the same rights as them to be happy? These people are churchgoers too…

Okay… I  am sufe next week will be better… I have some wonderful projects that are coming together really well now. Just for me now… Not the takers… I  am sure that hypocrites get their come uppance… I seem to have encountered more than my fair share…

Lets just be good to ourselves this week. Regardless of how others are around us… They take their frustrations on us, simply because we don’t hit them back… For too often we are the soft targets. Hopefully one day all will be made right in our lives, eh?

Time for a hot drink methinks. I will try and update everything by next Friday… Same time time, 18.00 hrs uk time, right here, with me me, dear friends…

Wannabe

 

 

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Do you have people around you who believe in you? Who would drop everything at a moments notice, who would support you regardless of cost to themselves?

No?

Join the club. The number of people who have let me down, lied to me, betrayed me over the years, is horrendous. People who are high in standing. Church leaders even… They don’t do that do they? I am afraid they do…

So many people are here to be seen…

I was led on to believe that I would be able to fulfil a lifetimes dream… Said leader, led me on for years, until I  literally ran out of money trying to provide my own equipment. When they left, I turned to the others there… They closed ranks on me. Destroyed me… Whilst strengthening their oversized egos at the same time.

As the victim, my situation was made to effectively  be of my own making…

The rotten, greedy, lying… Well, you know what I  mean. No wonder such organisations are losing their audiences…

So, today… Believing in ourselves does not come naturally.  Having a ‘Mummy and Daddy’ to finance me, and tell me I am clever, even when I  am not… (celebrity status), has absolutely never happened for me… My self belief energy is nearly exhausted. I have always had to do better than others around me, simply to be noticed. This sense of failure in other people’s eyes is what drives me to write for you dear reader… We both know what it feels like, to be looked down on, often by those who are far lower in stature than ourselves. Imagine going into a so-called place of worship, without glasses on, to protect me from the way others look at me. People who really should know better, people who use their public image to destroy mine…  am attending a public function tomorrow… Amongst people who present an image of being good, and yet managed to emotionally and financially destroy me… B…….

So… Where do we go today? How do we pull ourselves out of this situation?

As a person of faith, I  will let go, and let God. I will forgive… but never, ever, let them back into my life again… Access denied.

I have supported these people unconditionally for years… And then they ruin me. They are serial takers… Take, Take, Take… The thing is, if I  tell them that I  cannot rely on them for anything, they are totally unreliable, horrible people. They would blow up, and be very offended in family etc. And yet, it is them who have done the damage!!!

Self-promoting, puffed up, saying one thing, when their body language gives away the lies.

We all know people like that…

The important thing  is to step back, one day karma will intervene. Just keep believing that… Karma will intervene. We might not be there to see it, but, yes, they will land on their faces one day.

I have to return to rebuilding my life… I have done it. Not publicist’s or an over protective Mummy and Daddy’ to pay for everything, give me everything I want.

I will be a self-made hero… I  can do that. Just by breathing deeply, smiling at those who really need it, and looking after myself more better. Let’s concentrate on that from our next breath, right here, right now. No giving false hope. Just being ordinary, cos that, at the end of the day, charity does begin at home, and not for the expected tax break. I share of myself… not of a an artificially propped up bank account, or seeking to put myself in front of everyone  to be seen… I am just broken old me, slowly selfmending, hoping to one day, walk into hell to bring someone out… Someone did that for me once.

Okay… That’s it for this week. Let’s all start breathing for real, right now, right this minute.

So, until next week then, Fricay, August 23rd, 18.00 hours uk time. Right here.

Wannabe

 

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi Friends! Blog entry going on later today, I simply didn’t get to a computer last night…

It will be worth waiting for, definitely!!!!????????????????????????????????????????

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi everyone! What a grueller! This week it has been about coping with tiredness. When we are exhausted,  everything will of course, get on top of us. But it is important to just keep pushing on. I have had a few major occurrences this week. Major life events. Regardless of how I feel a lot of the time, I am definitely getting older now, and things are gradually getting more difficult now. Near us, there is a riverside walk… There are seats spaced out along the towpath. It is nice to just sit and watch the world go buy, smile grabbing department on full alert! Tomorrow it is church, but not dramatically so. We have a cuppa afterwards. A moment of unofficial chatter, between ordinary people.

We go away on holiday soon… Nothing particularly grand, but the food is nice… As the chief cook at home, the chance to not do anything related with food prep, and of not knowing hours in advance what the meal will be, is most welcome! Just the actual eating and drinking! And a small amount of chocolate!

I will try and swim… And will take a small music keyboard along too. In the past they would have talent shows… Nowadays,  it is about having a good bed.

I have taken the big decision to surrender my driving license permanently. To be fair, I haven’t driven in years, it is too much like hard work! Everyone is getting angrier by the moment these days, it feels more comfortable to just sit and watch. To be fair, tinted windows as well, for when we are stuck in traffic! Car parks are hilarious, with pedestrians just wandering in the path of cars.

Okay! Sue me from under the car, then!

I enjoy charity shops. What with cuddly toys, we never know what we will see! Then we go for a nice cuppa… Garden centres are nice, but don’t look too long at the cakes!!!!

Try and sit in a garden or park space this week. The more children about, the better. It is still school holidays, so plenty of people around.

Music too… I  intend to book you tube premium. Those ads popping up at night can be most annoying!

Take it really easy this week, my friends. Same time time next Friday, 1800 hours uk time, right here…

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi dear friends…

Another week, and it is nearly September! Surely it was only April last week?

Well… This week has been hectic… My other half is struggling with major illness now, and as I’m not a driver anymore, I’m looking at being able to use my bus pass now… The thing is, the places we can get to can be quite limited. Others involve journeys of clever planning to get home again on the same day.  also struggled with an item for the use of my grandchildren, that I got on-line but didn’t work properly. I bought a spare part for it, unaware that I could just return the whole thing for refund… I have done so now, we can find something similar later on.

Something I have started doing is, rather than paint walls, I project light onto them. The effects can be really stunning, and oh so much easier than trying to get the right colour with paint… Making my bedroom really nice to sleep in, really helps. Blackout curtains can make it a lot easier to sleep during these light nights.

I no longer drive, it is just too damn hectic these days… I actually had a small seizure… That should have just resulted in a certain period of not driving… That was passed months ago, as were all the tests and scans. DVLA were unable to contact my consultant… So I just gave up and surrendered it. My partner is a terrible passenger, so I’m fine with it.

We go on an all-inclusive holiday soon…No cooking, No washing up, no planning what to cook a couple of days in advance… No shopping. No trying to cook on an unfamiliar cooker… And fantastic food… Now that is a holiday! We must find time to rest and relax. We just have to. It is essential for our survival…

I went to a coffee morning last week, and jumped the gun by taking in a pack of chocolate biscuits… I adore chocolate, and if you shop around, it can be got hold of at really good prices. So… Let’s be really good to ourselves this week… A challenge; Attempt to make eye contact and smile with as many people as possible. Don’t force it, some won’t want to cooperate every time. They may have something on their minds right now.  It is how we feel inside that is important here.

I saw something written recently; ‘If you are a ‘giver’ type of person, watch your limits, ‘Takers’ don’t have any’. Your time is your own. You can have an extra biscuit sometimes… Be good to yourself… You are usually in the best possible place to do just that. You know yourself better than anyone else in the world, your likes and dislikes, etc.

Are you into music? My partner has just bought herself a brand new acoustic guitar… plus the playing aids that help with Arthritis. I will return to roller skating soon… I used to when I was about eight years old. I have obtained a special second hand trolley with brakes. I can push that while skating, so that I can control my stopping power… Much better than nose-diving into our local canal!!!

So let’s keep smiling… Even in the rain… It too has its blessings…

Let’s try and improve things for ourselves where we are. Right where we happen to be in the world.

Something to check out on youtube…  ‘Mock the week’ videos. The programme was quite controversial in it’s time, just sound now. A bit of a giggle can really help us too…  I might swim on holiday… Now, the shape of my body is definitely worth a giggle!

Last off then for this week, ‘Dr David Burns. M.D.’   The feeling good handbook’, Any edition, and anywhere you can find it, it is a great read.

Until next week then, dear friends, 18.00 hours UK time, next Friday evening (06/09/2024) right here.

Wannabe

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