Wannabefree’s Friday night Blog…

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi everyone… Well, that’s Christmas  survived, just!

All that wrapping paper! I don’t know of there were any germs on it, ot wasn’t only me who handled it. And as for fingerprints on the sticky tape… It really doesn’t matter to anyone else but me. I cannot  care anymore.

I can’t drive now, due to medical reasons   In a way that suits me fine. What we could do with in cars is a satnav that swears back!

I won’t stay up for new year… But I will have a little drinkie though.

I may be an  outstanding age pensioner,  but some of my thoughts are around getting a part time job, just to keep my hand on, so to speak. I could go as part of a group, and  even enjoy it. We have some proud manufacturing near where I live, and they just might have a good company restaurant… Less cooking for me! Could I be a cleaner in a factory? Mmmmm… I  wonder… With the right support around me maybe…

What do you think?

Is it worth the stress? Okay my phone battery is low, so I will get back here a little later today

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Okay… I am exhausted. Grandchildren everywhere,  crawling about on the floor around me. Are my shoes clean? I really don’t know  and I have just been out to the supermarket! It wasn’t just me… Babies and children need to build up their immune systems anyway, and it isn’t my house either. I’m really tired, in fact I could be coming down with another cold. It really knocked me out last time… Change of weather and suchlike…

Okay… Let’s all hope for a reasonable nw year… Who knows? It may even be fun!

Until next Friday then… 5 January,  same sort of time. I don’t know yet what subject…

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi everyone… Well, we’ve made it into a new year… Let’s all hope for the best…

Today it is, ‘The joy of giving’. How does that relate to OCD, I hear you ask… Well… When it comes to eating biscuits, a lot.

If we go to the cupboard, and pick up a pack of biscuits we have bought from a shop, and brought it home. We have ownership of it. If we then open it, take out say, three biscuits, and pass them to a friend or other person. What are we doing? Well, we are giving of ourselves, sharing, and that is a really uplifting thing to do. And yet, it is only three biscuits. We can then take out three biscuits, and eat them ourselves, to share the experience of enjoying the biscuits, together. It is a nice warm thing to do, and if you happen to have favourite biscuits, in my situation it is chocolate (!), it feels great! Really great, to share the joy together of doing something really nice, And, the giving of something of ourselves is not necessarily expensive.

Okay, Let’s bring the demon OCD in. We have handled the biscuits with bare fingers… So maybe, there is germs present. But dangerous? Well… Actually no, cos we ourselves have also had biscuits from the same hands, packet etc.

(I’m also into butter shortbread biscuits!)

We aren’t gonna get ill. They wont be contaminated… But maybe ‘Bontaminated’, a positive move.

At the extreme, we have possibly given the other person something for their natural defences to strengthen on…

A massive positive. Really good.

So… Next time we are in the supermarket or shop, buy a packet of biscuits, with our own money. Open them, give our friend three (Or even 4!), Then select the same number for ourselves, and enjoy the flavour, the companionship, and the wonderful joy of being able to give something of ourselves, without worry.

It is the same as going for a coffee… A pleasant, togetherness experience. The joy of giving.

Hopefully, it won’t be long before the nice warm weather comes back again. I long for warm summer evenings to sit outside in the park, to watch other people out with their pets and children. It is chaos, but it is someone else’s chaos!

Get out around other people. Sit in a cafe, and listen to someone else recounting the struggles of everyday life. No one has it easy, regardless of how much wealth they may have. Hardly anyone in our street had Christmas lights up. Houses stood out due to the absence of coloured lights, to try and brighten up the darkness.

We have already packed the decorations away until next year. We are not wealthy, in fact it is embarrassing having my wife’s mobility car parked outside. We are nowhere near as rich as it might look. And we rent our home… My qualifications for having a successful job are totally obsolete now. And I’m a pensioner, so cannot do much to improve my lot in life,

But at least I can enjoy a packet of favourite biscuits with a friend. And that is incredibly uplifting.

So, Until next Friday then, 12 January, at about the same time, 6pm.

Let’s be kind to ourselves, and be careful out there…

Wannabe

 

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Supplement…

I’m going to have a supply of chocolate biscuits on my table… Not just for me (Although that is most important!) But that I can share with my friends… Giving of myself is an amazingly uplifting thing to do… It helps me…

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Okay…

Hi friends… We’ve achieved another week.

I’ve seen a slogan somewhere that suggests that; Life is like a roller coaster, and you have two options; Either put your head down between your knees and scream… Or sit up straight, wave your hands up in the air and scream for excitement!  Mmmm… Believe me, I have had times when I’ve done both!! As for today… I’ll have to wait and see on that one…  Try and stay positive, Wannabe!

I need to go out shopping in a little while… A supermarket… With bank card… Handling purchases… Walking on the pavement… Where dog walkers go…

Tonight it will be a takeaway supper… Paying cash in a chip shop…

I’m surprised they don’t do more by contactless… It would be cleaner for them…

Something I have taken to making, is scrambled eggs… Boiled eggs refuse to co-operate when I try to shell them, so scrambled is easier, cooked in a jug in the microwave oven. Now… Some years ago, eggs were dangerous unless cooked to oblivion. So what about the shells? With raw egg traces on…

The solution; Break eggs into the bowl/jug, and leave the broken shells to dry naturally, on a wipe-able surface. (My bin is on the opposite end of the kitchen to the worktop…) Wash hands, Do the cooking, enjoy the food, and then, several hours later, gather the dried out shells together, and bung them in the bin. Easy!

Library books… They tend to have wipe-able plastic jackets these days… But what about the individual pages then…

Well… As it would be impossible to sanitize them anyway, just enjoy reading the book. Our natural defences will do the rest… Just as always…

Driving lessons… Now… When I did my driving lessons, I would begin by taking the previous learner to their home, then proceeding with my lesson. I would then be taken home by the person having their lesson after me. To the best of my knowledge, this would be harmless. And I used to get out of the car totally soaked in nervous sweat! You cannot safely sanitize a car… The fumes would kill us…

Ever been to a charity shop? They have some wonderful stuff don’t they? Especially the cuddlies!

If they even tried to sanitize them, they would be ruined. If I see one I like the look of, It’s coming home with me!

I sometimes worry about other people’s opinions of me. My way of dealing with that, is to do my thing, then remove my eyeglasses so I don’t notice any possible looks of disapproval! It works.

In his book ‘Feeling good, the new mood therapy’, Dr David Burns covers things like that… After all, it would be impossible to please all of the people all of the time. Just as they us… We don’t need to go more than half and half with other people, and they certainly do not have the right to expect more than  similar of ourselves.

Okay… Tomorrow our grandchildren are visiting. It isn’t a private riot, We are allowed to join in!!! Great fun.

One last thing for this week… Have you ever noticed that, when sitting at a table in a restaurant, other people prop their chins up with their elbows? They will touch their mouths, noses etc. No worries… In expectation of something really nice to eat. All good. What they handle next is entirely up to them… After they have finished their meal, the table will be cleared by a waitress, and wiped over with a gentle cleaner, all ready for the next customers.

They don’t send in people with protective suits and hosepipes! A ‘Decontamination squad’, if you like. (Think of the ‘Ghostbusters’ film at this point!). It would literally be overkill, and the air would be unbreatheable.

I just fancy going to a restaurant right now. That way I won’t know what the meal will be, two and a half hours in advance. No food prep, no frying, no washing up, No finding that I haven’t got any of a particular ingredient, No stress. And I do like the sound of that. That is definitely do-able.

So let’s all try some of this, this week, and see how we get on. The evidence suggests that we will be okay, and so will those around us. After all, it is impossible to wash a bag of sugar…

And our clothing has never been sterile. For anyone… Other people included.

Until next Friday then… 19/01/2024, at about the same time… 6pm UK time.

Wannabe

 

 

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi everyone…

Something that I have been thinking about this week, is the amount of stuff being pushed on the radio about getting help… Apparently there are phone lines being set up… I don’t know where though…

I can remember wanting to be trained in how to help people with our difficulties. But they wanted academic people, because the ‘qualification’ was so high… Of course, I’m not academic at all. So I failed halfway through the course. In the late 1990’s it was known as project 2000 (P2000) nursing training, linked between a hospital and a university. The course itself got scrapped before it got to the year 2000 anyway. It trained managers, not carers.

Having had a lifetime of mental health difficulties, I instantly ‘gelled’ with patients. We had a shared appreciation of how we felt. But the study was horrendous, and ‘learning outcomes’ totally unattainable.

I’d figured that, If I was trained how to help others, I would help myself at the same time… But it didn’t work out like that at all.

In my late sixties, I still wonder what my purpose, is on this planet, assuming there is one of course. (Purpose!).

I have been through industries long gone now, despite the predictions of my careers officers at school.

I wonder how my grandchildren will fare… What will industry look like in say, twenty years time.

Today I have some free time, which makes a nice change. I go to my doctors for a checkup today, something to do with possibly becoming an epelleptic person. (How do we spell that word?!)  I look out of my kitchen window at the frost on the roofs. On the lawn too. It makes my garden look as well-kept as my neighbours!.  When I was a professional gardener, I would be outside in it… Really cold. But now, I just get to look at it from indoors, and sip at a nice cup of coffee, and even a chocolate biscuit today!

I know that, due to the new  concept of ‘Bontamination’, that everything I come into contact with today, will be fine… In the supermarket to get milk… I have never, ever washed a plastic milk bottle before opening it. Nor any other screwtop bottle for that matter. And yet, Years ago, the checkout operator would always check that the tops were on tight, before placing them into those old paper carrier bags… Even from the milkman… And we have survived. Well we have, Haven’t we?

One thought has come to mind this week for the first time… When I eat a cake, I use my fingers, even lick the cream off to clean them before wiping them dry on my trousers… No problem with that at all. BUT, if you use the antibac gel on your fingers before eating the cake, your fingers, though clean, taste absolutely foul! So that is one to think about when we go into our favourite burger cafe. Incidentally, I have never noticed anyone else clean their hands before having a burger. After all, where could you do that? We’ve all heard about the terrors of toilet room doors… Maybe it’s not that dangerous anyway… Kids don’t usually give a second thought to things like that, they just want the fries, and quickly!!

And we use touch screens to order the food… Bank cards to pay… It is a good thing we have our own immune systems. It is the disinfectant companies trying to sell us this stuff in the main. Ordinary living is by it’s very nature, Never sterile. Our largest ‘organ’, the skin, is protecting our internal structures 24/7   every day and night of the years of our lives. We occasionally get ill, but we usually get better again. And that is how natural balance works.

So… A little bit less cleaning… Just a little bit less…  We are part of nature, not the other way around. Let’s look at ways this week of how we can relax into things a little. A favourite chair… Without spraying it first. Wear that favourite item of clothing we have only worn once since it went in the machine…

A favourite CD to listen to, without wondering how many people have handled it before me. If it is clean enough to put in the machine to play, then it is certainly okay to handle. Just remember for a moment the ‘old’ days of gramophone records at birthday parties. Anyone remember the ‘autochanger’ system with maybe eight records stacked together? 1 slightly heat-warped record would send the music into total dissarray!

Okay… Time to prepare a meal… Toasted crumpets with cheese on… I have never, ever, washed a pack of cheese before opening it… I just get at the cheese and enjoy! I don’t even think about the checkouts at whatever shop where I will have bought it from…

I am protected… We all are… By the very nature we are all a very small part of.

Can I do this for maybe the next ten minutes… An hour perhaps… Just maybe, the chair on which I sit is okay… That I really don’t have to check my shoes… I can eat that food with my fingers… After all… If it’s okay for other people, then  Whyever should it not be okay for little old me?

Next week we will have got through another week, just as we have this past week, right now. It will be the 26th of January… Nearly into February, and beyond that, A promise of Springtime when new growth starts all around us. The bulbs will come through… The lawn will need mowing! (Groan!) But the sun will shine gently warm again, lighting up our evenings and mornings, and hopefully a bit of joyfulness. (I may have to work on that last bit…)

So, let’s all be good to ourselves out there. one day at a time… Even one breath at a time. The human heart does it all, One beat at a time. And it actually rests between beats!

Until next week then,  Friday 26/01/24.  At about 6pm. Right here.

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi everyone… Well, we’ve had about an hours sunshine! I opened the bedroom windows to get some fresh dry air in. The room is easier to heat that way. I’ll be under the bedclothes tonight if necessary.

I’m treating myself to tiger bread, with butter on… It costs a little more but the taste is wonderful. And chocolate… Just a bit. It does seem to help if we treat ourselves once in a while. We need to give ourselves a bit of self value, self pampering, cos no one else does all the time do they?

We are each our own number 1 supporter. We each of us know ourselves best. We are each of us in just the right place to put ourselves first occasionally. It is a basic human need, important to everyone on the planet. It is built into us before we are even born. And it isn’t linked to having lot’s of money. It is an inside ourselves thing. It can be as small as one chocolate biscuit and cup of favourite tea… Whilst listening to your favourite music… In your favourite spot… Even a favourite book…

It is important to make time for ourselves, because if we don’t, then we won’t be so able to help others around us. There are people in the world who only take, take, and take again, until you have nothing else to give. This is dangerous in certain areas. If a surgeon gets too tired and removes the wrong thing… Well! Not good!, that can be a challenge, cos the minds’ cogwheels are still turning when we try to sleep.,

So… Allow time for lot’s of sleep… Now… For us OCD’ers that can be a real problem…

Next to the bed… A pad of paper and pencil/pen, to write down any to-do’s for the morning… It saves trying to remember things, when we should ideally be at rest.  A glass of cold milk.

If possible, have a radio on quietly… Music from someone else can help to break up our thought patterns.

Some people find comfort in the sound of a mechanical alarm clock… The louder the ticking the better, But no chimes!

During the day, I actually write… Stories… I make them up as I go along. No one else need see them, it is just for our own enjoyment. Photography… A mobile phone can reproduce some fantastic images and print. But be aware of other people who may not be comfortable with being photographed. Once Spring gets going there will be a lot nature to photograph, and we don’t have to worry about running out of film!

For my main meal this evening, it will be pizza, and garlic bread. Handled with the fingers of course.  Before eating, I don’t use anti-bac gel, on the skin it tastes foul! I use ordinary soap and water, so that I can lick my fingers clean after pizza, before I usually wipe them dry on my trousers! Well… It is harmless!

I find cooking to be a useful challenge… It is a very satisfying thing to do, and then share prepared food with a partner. Their saliva is basically the same as mine… So it won’t do any harm.

One last thing for this week… When my grandchildren come to visit, I sit on the floor with them… If it was harmful, they would be ill all of the time. But of course, they aren’t, well, not due to me anyway.

It is great fun to be at their eye level, seeing once again, the world as a child sees it. Mind you, I often end up on a cushion, cos I’m not as young as I used to be. Try it!

In the park, sit on the lawn. Feel the texture between your fingers… Then, if they look clean enough, then they are clean enough. So no need to wash hands again until after using the loo.

Okay… Let’s relax, and see what the week brings… Let’s allow stuff to just ‘wash over us’, much like a wave machine at the swimming pool, or in the sea, if you can find some warm enough!

Until next Friday then; 02/02/24, at about the same time. Right here…

Wannabe

 

 

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi everyone… Well… We’ve made it to the weekend again, Haven’t we?

One of the things that made me vulnerable to OCD was having a ‘caring’ nature. It can be seen as being ‘soft’, but it really isn’t soft. I feel it comes from seeing life, maybe a little too seriously for our own good. Things like trying to prevent anyone becoming the slightest bit ill, for instance.

Are we born with this? Maybe, but I reckon it has a lot to do with our lives as children. When we took on other peoples comments, that weren’t always constructive, to try and grow up the only way we knew how…

During this week, I have had to go for hospital tests… And in so doing, met a few other people around me. When I needed to sign a form of consent for treatment, the clinician referred to me ‘also being left-handed’ when I write. I always have been, despite attempting to use both hands, but the best was always with the left hand.

At school it caused problems… Myself and the clinician chatted for a while as part of my test. We had that in common…

Are you left handed? If so, Were you ever called ‘Cack-handed’ as a child? Nowadays that would be child cruelty, actual psychological abuse. Because if you google it, it has a far more dark meaning than we would have realized as children.

I’ll leave you to google ‘Cack-handed’ whenever you have time. But never refer it to yourself, ever again…

The massive positive of being ‘left handed’, is that the left hand side of the body, is governed by the ‘Right hand’ side of the brain… The creative side. And that is a massive bonus. I would suggest that, many of the world’s great writers are left handed. They might not be published, but they can still be great writers. It is something to have a go at…  One classic writer I believe said, that actually writing the book is the good bit, cos you get to ‘Make it up as you go along’. And I wholeheartedly agree.

Many of us Ocd’ers will have been bullied throughout our lives… Even into adulthood. And yet… We are amazing people!

I have a jersey that has an embroidered badge on it that reads; ‘Growing old is inevitable, But Growing-up, is optional’!

So… We have a lot to offer those around us. If we are ‘Givers’, rather than ‘Takers’, we need to achieve something in return, or we’ll burn-out, like so often happens to caring people.

I love the craft of writing… I went to an evening class to learn more about creative writing, but the way I felt led to do. It is amazing the number of books regarding famous people, are not actually written by them, but for them. They have no ownership of the time that has gone into putting the book together.

We could all write about what it is like to have OCD, we are, by experience, clued up on the subject. All of it. How it affects our daily lives, and also others of course. But it is so difficult to explain to a non sufferer. How many other illness cause a set of circumstances where, The more you check something is correct, the stronger the urge to just ‘Check once more to be sure’ actually becomes? It can be a living nightmare.

Tomorrow, our grandchildren visit… It will be delightful chaos for perhaps three hours! But I love it. It keeps me on my toes, so to speak, and keeps my natural giggly sense of humour going strong. If someone says anything the slightest bit funny, I’m there, and giggling happily. They say that laughter is good for the soul… It is, And for everything else as well.

So… For this week, and going forward, I’m only going to use positive statements when referring to myself, or something I have done. Sure, Things will still slightly amiss, but at at least with a positive attitude (Positive outlook on life), it becomes a lot easier to cope. We have enough on coping with other people ‘putting us down’, than actually doing the same to ourselves 24 hours a day. We can be our own worst enemies at times. Let’s be our own supporters, praise ourselves for every achievement, however small. Let’s be kind to ourselves, and when somebody praises us, accept it with grace, after all;

We are all worth it.

Until next Friday then,  09/02/2024, at about the same time, 6pm UK time, right here.

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Good evening, Dear friends…

When thinking of something to write tonight, I came across the idea, that maybe we all get sometimes; ‘Is what I have really OCD?’  Well the fact that we question it, may well confirm it, cos compulsive doubt is so prevalent in our day to day lives. We can even doubt a diagnosis… “I’m not sure that I have OCD, Can you reassure me?”.

Society loves to give us ‘labels’. Some can be flattering, and some most definitely not. After all, Does someone automatically become a celebrity, if they themselves believe they should be celebrated in some way?

If that is to be the case, then we are all celebrities in our own right.

The word ‘Obsessive’ can have many meanings, often portrayed in the negative sense… But with us, it is largely trying to find something positive, in a world that is so often put into a negative light. Indeed, the media can be seen to turn stuff into mere entertainment for us, whilst the participants aren’t really having a very nice time at all, and all in the name of becoming famous in some way. Some shows pay the participants… But I tend to feel that they are doing stuff that, no amount of money and fame can appease. They cannot see themselves as mere ‘victims’.

So-called ‘Reality’ shows aren’t real at all… They are like laboratory animals being observed by the viewer, with certain sanctions and rewards, to see how they react, in a situation, most of us would literally not want to be anywhere near…

And presenters… Mocking rather than supporting anyone.  It’s all just a laugh, at someone else’s misfortune and emotional expense…

Do we gain anything by watching others suffer? Not really, at least, not for long… We are best to improve our own self-image by working on our own self image itself… Consider your qualities, skills, life experience. Joys and heartaches, the stuff we come through daily… Don’t give absolutely everything you have… Cos you may find that, in return, no one gives us anything, and we end up feeling bereft.

There are people in life who just take,take,take….

Conversely, there are people in life who Give, give, give… Some to the point of burnout… Exhaustion even.

We hear about this in the caring professions… A care environment can have a high turnover of staff, and not necessarily due to the residents themselves. ‘Toxic’ staff appear everywhere… And they ruin staff teams, That is the main reason I escaped from the caring professions… Why is it that some of the staff in so-called ‘caring’ professions, seem to have a basic dislike of people? It just doesn’t make sense… But they are there, I’ve tried to work with them…

On a positive note…

This coming week… I intend to devote some time to just one of my hobbies… I already have the basic stuff, so can work with that… No one else has to like it, just me…

If anyone has ever said to you ‘Little things please little minds…’ It should not be applied to the love of small tangible items. The saying is meant to apply to people engaging in negative ‘small-talk’ about others, in a futile attempt to make themselves feel better.

I am looking at things like actual collections of models, be it trains, gramophone records, even stamp collecting. The pleasure is in owning a specific ‘dream’ item for yourself. Maybe something that has taken a lifetime to achieve.

It may not matter to anyone else, but just mean a lot to ourselves. It may be making cakes… Even as small as making a favourite sandwich or meal. creamy Coffee even. That is one of my favourite tasks. I do like gardening, but the coldness outside is putting me off at present.

I do find that, since retiring from work, I tend to feel sleepy a lot… Having said that, there was a time when I simply couldn’t sleep at all. I would lie awake in bed, dreading the following day. At work I felt like a scapegoat. Everyone blaming me… I wonder who they are all blaming now? And are the residents getting the care they need? I very much doubt it…

In the end, I had to save myself first… Will I ever return to a toxic environment like that? In word… No.

I cannot change others, only myself. Or my location, Or my way of thinking (Attitude)

Seek out the positive… Always dwell on the side of positive…  Share… Even if it is just a smile… A cheerful ‘Thankyou’ with a smile to the shop assistant. You never know, They may actually smile back… Glad that someone has actually bothered  to speak nicely to them today. And that smile back really lifts us too… Dramatically!

So… For this week then…

Try it… Buy something affordable in a shop, with the full intention of speaking to the assistant. Petrol stations are good for this too… Anywhere… Wander into a library… Smile at anyone who makes eye contact with you, smile… Odds on they will react with a smile… A smile can mean so much, yet costs so very little. It does take a lot of effort to get started though! The first smile… But then smiling becomes infectious (For want of a better word…), and we will do it more and more on the rebound. It really lifts our day…

We can even find ourselves saying “Hiya!” with a smile. Just that one word… “Hiya!” And then carrying  on with whatever we happen to be doing at the time. Dog-walkers seem to be really good at this… And wear your favourite hat, if you have one. A baseball cap forces us to look up straight, and thus stand up straight, psychologically and physically lifting our brainwaves.

Another idea… If you do writing… Try short stories… Trying to fit a Beginning, A middle, and an ending into 1500 words is nowhere near as easy as it initially sounds! The really good thing about writing stories, is that you can have characters to be friends with you, just how you would like them to be, and portray yourself in a nicer situation than is perhaps your reality… For instance… A bus/train ride to a favourite place… Perhaps the seaside…

Write stuff that you like to read… It can be very satisfying… Especially on a word-processor program or App. Print it… It is your work… Seeing it on paper gives it credibility and value. You can actually touch it. It is real…

Until next Friday then…  16/02/2024 at about 6pm, right here…

Let’s be good to ourselves, and others too. Cos that is what makes life worthwhile. And remember to smile!

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Good evening Dear friends… Well… What a grueller that was! I’m exhausted.

This week has been a bit of a struggle for me… Family things… Trying to achieve stuff, then knowing how, when I’ve finally achieved stuff, Can I possibly use it for any viable purpose? Why am I only useful when I’m giving money???

We each have ‘Gifts’, ability things that we alone can do well, maybe have always been able to do well… It would be nice if other people would let us ‘share’ those ‘gifts’.
Do you find that, Occasionally, when performing a specific task, someone will watch you, distracting you to make a mistake, and then gleefully pick you up on it?
I get this a lot… Try putting stripes on a lawn when someone stops to watch!!! Don’t they realise what they are doing? Let’s still try to do our best anyway, not that the lawn needs mowing this week…

I’m a full time carer, and part of that involves cooking meals.

How is that those not actually in the kitchen at the time, are suddenly experts to point out what you maybe ‘should’, or ‘Shouldn’t have done? Don’t let them get to you… The dials on the cooker controls are just not going to be that precise… Let alone the actual thermostat… Sometimes things will go slightly amiss.

And teachers who write ‘Not good enough’, in the the margins of written work, and yet omit to let us know when something is just right…cDo you have that? Are we supposed to be psychic?

Some teachers aren’t that good at teaching anyway… We’ve all met them… They may know the subject backwards and upside down, but when it comes to actually passing on that knowledge… They just don’t know how, except to the natural academics in the class.  I sat at the back, and if I plucked up the courage to ask… Would be told with great force that, Everyone else in the class can do it, Why can’t you?

What if nobody else understood it either? As a child, we take on the opinions of others over ours, and then the dreaded self-doubt creeps in. And OCD just loves it when we are feeling doubtful.

I would suggest that, maybe more than a few others in the class also could not understand. Was I being brave, or a fool by putting my hand up and asking? I myself was put up against my siblings… Made to feel that I was thick;”Cack-handed, and such things as ‘Where was I when the brains were handed out?”

Such things are supposed to be outlawed these days… But are they?

And where does the saying ‘Thick as two short planks’ originate?

I guess that, in fact, I know that, my parents would have been brought up within a similar regime.

Nature/nurture debate or not… I was fighting an uphill battle from the word go. I refuse to give in, and so far, I’m definitely winning… Well, Most of the time… Just about… We can do this!!

I see this forum as my chance to give… I have no spare wealth as an old age pensioner, when so much is valued by what it actually costs in monetary terms. But I love the written word… One teacher finally got me to believe in my writing skills, my command of the English language, which is arguably one of the most awkward to learn. (And yet other nations teach it to their pupils as a second language…) . I feel compelled to share… A deep knowledge of being a patient with mental health difficulties, leaning on a totally inadequate system for treatment. Seen as ‘weak’, useless, a failure, just cos I don’t have any degree at all, not even one in birdwatching(!!!!) that would get me a job in the city.

Back to OCD then… It appears to me, that OCD affects those of us in life, that have a tendency towards caring, for others more than ourselves. The fear that, if we don’t give in to a compulsion, someone or something important to us, will come to harm or something like that. But I/We cannot protect everyone… And it certainly isn’t fair to put everyone else first all of the time… And by so doing, putting my/our own needs nowhere. But We do, Don’t we?

In church circles, there is the Acronym ‘J.O.Y.’  It denotes; ‘J’esus first, ‘O’thers second, ‘Y’ourself last. NO!!!!! That is a first class recipe for burnout. Ask any nurse…

It should read; ‘J’esus first, ‘O’urselves second, and then ‘Y’es! Everybody else. Nobody puts you or I first… No one…

So, If we don’t put ourselves somewhere, we eventually will be able to help no one… Not anyone… Thus we get burnout. This a major problem in the NHS, cos they have a lot of staff currently off sick due to stress related conditions…

Let’s be good to ourselves this coming week… Only we ourselves know exactly what we need. Let’s try to keep ourselves strong against whatever form our own OCD takes. And then, by all means, share with others.  I personally would love to work in an animal rescue centre… But it seems that the ‘cuddle’ places have all gone, and they only want volunteers in the charity shops… Money…
But I will keep looking! (Cuddly toys are a great substitute!) A hospital volunteer job sounds like a good idea, but, due to problems with my local public transport, I cannot get both there and back on the same day(!). Mmmmm.

What else is there, I wonder? We are good people…

Until next Friday then 23/02/2024, at about six pm UK time… Right here.

Wannabe

 

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

I haven’t forgotten! My post for this week has been uploaded,  but due to copy and paste and edit, it is awaiting moderation. It should be presented shortly. If not, I will do another tomorrow.

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

This entry turned out to not be necessary! There is an issue between my word processing software, and OCD actions one, so when I copy and paste from another document, it sort of crashes! Never mind, normal service will be resumed on Friday next 23/02/2024, right here, normal time…

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Where does self esteem come from? (For those of us trying to find it)

Well… I Don’t  know,  but I suspect it has something to do with childhood.

So where do I  get some now?

From deep down inside myself. It just needs unlocking. We just need to activate it… Yes… You too dear friend.

Let’s  work at it, you and I.

So, We need to act as if we are the most confident person in the room. Tale control of a small part of our situation. Just a little bit at a time. Gradually  taking on more as we go along.

We have the right to back off as necessary..  But make sure we go back for more. Then make sure we leave on a high so to speak. The song says, It’s not where you start, but where we finish, and we are gonna finish on top!

Just keep going until bedtime… That’s all we are built to do… One day a time sweet Jesus, the song goes…

Good advice that… Regardless of faith or whatever…

It is like climbing out of a proverbial hole, and emerging into nice warm sunshine. Breathe the fresh air…

Let’s smile in the mirror…

That person smiling back is you. The way the rest of the world sees you. Your eyes are the most important thing to look at… Ignore everything else, just as we do others. The eyes are the windows of the soul, our most beautiful part. The most important part of ourselves. The absolute best… Maybe we need to tell ourselves that.. In the mirror..  a super  smile.

Until next Friday then.. 30th Feb or thereabouts. same time, right here.

Wannabe

 

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Whoops! Now let’s be fair, February the 30th is just plain not going to happen!

I wrote the post on my phone, while my partner was driving, so to be fair, we are lucky that many of the words are even spelt right!!! Tiny screen and all that… Plus chunky fingers…

Anyway… I guess that, it is very important to stay some sort of positive… The negative approach leads into metaphorical drowning… We get absolutely nowhere…

Positive gets us through the minutes of the day… Just until bedtime, with something brilliant to do in the morning. I might not leap out of bed, but I do at least get up…

Tomorrow I will have a go with my music keyboards… It’s a pity that people don’t get to hear it… I’ve built up a system from basically, the stuff other people throw away…

That’s not a bad thing… It actually sounds really good…

Okay… On Friday the 1st of March… I’ll try and have something for you for about 6pm UK time…

Onwards and upwards, folks!

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi  dear friends. We’ve  made it through another week… Let’s be glad about that… We’ve all done really well!

How did you get on with the smiling? It’s not easy to begin with… But when it gets easier, and it will… Wow!

I bought myself some chocolate today… It may be cheap, but I got a lot of it! A treat to myself. Something we should all do more often…

I don’t know  about people in the media who think they should be celebrated, but we most definitely are worth it, simply for coping with the things we do everyday… So, even it is as small as one favourite biscuit, go treat yourself, and enjoy the experience.

If no one else does, I give you permission to do so!

My grandchildren visit tomorrow,  the highlight of my week! It is manic for a few hours but, hey, why not? It makes me feel useful now I am retired from full time work. It is good that they bring their own toys with them, it keeps up with what they are into these days. And that seems to change  almost hourly!

I verbalise a lot aboutt things now, but at least I  don’t bottle them up internally, that is a recipe for total disaster. I used to moan a lot years ago, but now it is all coming true in the world around me, I just sit back and smile!

I was sitting waiting for someone in a doctors  surgery yesterday… 2 hours! But the kids in the waiting room were a lot of fun! I must look like a typical grandad! I find that I  giggle a lot… It feels great to giggle off stress… Anything that can raise a bit of a giggle feally helps to bounce off intrusive thoughts and stresses of life.

We were in a discounter store today for some stuff. There was a quque at the till, so, when the announcer said they were opening till number 2, we loaded the conveyor belt while the tannoyed a member of staf to operate the said till. They came, we got stuff into the trolley. Then an announcement said they were closing till 2. Hang on! We’re on till 2, and still putting stuff through the till! Well, we paid, then moved everything over to the loading bay, just as they announced they were opening number 2 again!

People in the queues must totally confused! There doesn’t seem to be any real organisation at all! I giggled all the way back to the car!!!

And why are the shop aisles so narrow? Don’t they want us to find anything we actually went in for!!!! Another thing to giggle about… 1 person, with one trolley can stop an entire store!!! Another giggle. And if they should see someone to chat to, well!!

Today is officially the first day of Spring in the Uk. The colour is coming through… Evenings are lightening up now, and the temperature becoming bearable again.

An mp is demanding police protection now… They wouldn’t need it if they were popular!

Doctors and nurses are not afforded the same privileges, whereas,  when I had an epileptic seizure in the street before Christmas,  I was too scared to go to casualty at hospital… I  nearly got killed when working in a hospital some years ago as a student nurse… I  know that,  as a popular  grandad, I  really should have gone to hospital, but?

Mmmm, politicians think they are owed more than the world can give….

I have survivd so far… My sense of humour is holding out… I  have my music to enjoy,  even if no one else hears it. My cold is easing now, so I will sleep well tonight.

I’ve  got it so that I actually like myself now… Not in a pompous way,  but just a simple friendship with  myself. I accept myself for who I  am. I live in rented accommodation,  so, no major responsibilities there, although the heating system could do with being better… It is booked in for repairs anyway, but as the weather warms, I don’t worry too much, and my bed is warm at night…

Tomorrow,  being a Saturday, I may walk to the shops, do a bit of window shopping…

Charity shops are a good place to be. You just never know what you are going to find, and at such good prices! And no walking about in wet grass at a carboot sale! There is treasure amongst the trash!

So… For this next week then… Let’s continue to hold a smile in the mirror… powerful self therapy that… And it doesn’t cost so much an hour… Look across at yourself in the window of a shop on the other side of the street… Find only good, after all, you already know the person you see in your reflection is harmless, and actually as nice a person as you already know… Your very own self… And remember not to stifle your natural smile… It is all for you. And that is an incredible  bonus isn’t it? It sure is!!!  If necessary,  just smile at a blank wall… I magine yourself smiling back… Try it… It actually works if you give it enough time… About 90 seconds should give you a good start…

Time for a nice warm drink… Something favourite…  Our electric kettle is busted, so I boil the water in the cup in our microwave oven. I don’t know what we will do when that fails!!!

I will do the same for my other half… That is sharing… We can only share something we have some sort of ownership of, or the emotion doesn’t seem to work properly…

Can we still buy ‘rollo’ chocolate sweets I wonder? Mind you, it was never easy to share the last one!

Until next Friday then… 8/03/2024, at about 6 pm, right here…

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Well, we’ve  achieved it again…

Hi friends, another weekend beckons…

I’ve been thinking about giving something as a present… It is for a charity shop, but it is a special item. When I first got it, I  travelled a very long way in the car. I got it home and repaired it, made it perfect. I have put something into it, something of myself…

Okay… They could come and collect it in a van for free… But that just wouldn’t be the same would it? It is my present to them… I  have to carry this thing in through their door, show it to them, show them how to display it for sale to raise their funds… Give it to them myself…

They may not get a lot of money for it… But I will get the joy of giving… Way, way above any monetary value. Next week sometime when I  can get someone to get me there in their car.

It is a bit heavier and bulky than a chocolate biscuit…

I bought a cheap microphone today… it will plug into my sound system. I want to try singing again… I  did it as part of attending a daycentre for therapy… The resident pop group played loudly, and I gradually got the confidence to join in. It really lifts our spirit… I t is a personal thing, deep inside ourselves. Most of us do naturally sing in tune anyway, mind you, some professionals use something called autotune to correct their vocals. Don’t sing on headphones, harmonise with music on speakers. There are satellite tv channels that are great for this, and if you add a sub-woofer to your system, the sound can be brilliant.

There used to be a system on-line called sing to the world .com, which is well worth a listen. Singing is a brilliant lifter. Try it when the house around you is empty…

I went to a cafe for lunch today… just basic, but it was nice to hear what those around us were saying. Their lives very often are so similat to our own… Same aspirations and hopes… similar  problems… We end up not feeling quite so overwhelmed by our own issues, and gives a welcome break to our own sometimes relentless thought patterns.

We can be anonymous… Hide behind a cuppa… Whatch the babies in pràms and buggies. Give a happy smile, make their day, and thus, ultimately  yours and mine. Say a smiling Thankyou to the till operator. It’s  not as easy as it sounds!

Next week we can look at not checking everything quite as much… Gradually scaling back, so that ultimately the thought compulsions follow suit… Well… Hopefully.

Have a pleasant weekend everyone…

Until next Friday then 15/03/2024, at about the same time, 6pm right here…

Wannabe

 

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Just got to Computer… Give me an hour…

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Okay… I have a sandwich in hand…

Good evening dear friends.

Something happened this week that countered my wish to experience the joy of sharing…

What if no one else appears to want what I have to offer? What if I’ve got the wrong biscuits, or the skill I’m offering is already being done by someone else? I wanted to play the organ in my local church… No chance… Their instrument is off limits, and my portable just cannot get in… They really don’t want it. Am I muscling in on their ‘glory’.

We are supposed to be there to worship, not perform. Why have so many people left?

Anyway…  A good way around this is to go somewhere where there are small children and babies. It doesn’t always work but, usually, if I smile, they will smile back. Cafes are good for this. No words are spoken, only smiles. I guess that I actually look like a grandad anyway (Old and tired!!!), so, if I’m in a doctors surgery, there are usually a few youngsters about.  That is the joy of sharing… Yes I need a cup of something on the table, to justify being there for the benefit of those running the cafe. But to just sit and watch, can be a real tonic.

For my own grandchildren, I have biscuits. It helps me to cope when they want me to join in with their computer games. Touch screens used to be an issue… Are they clean enough? Well, the one my grandson uses could plant vegetables!!! The same with his glasses. How do they see where they are going?

So… If the computer screen is clean enough for him, then it is for me, mine looking decidedly better than his!

How do you people think about mowing lawns? In the UK at the moment we are just about to start, now that frosts are virtually finished. What is in the grass? Well, we have a lot of dogwalkers on our street… Many carrying those little plastic bags for cleaning up after their dogs. I’ve never seen any on our front lawn… Even though we have a hardstanding with no gates. I will use a small electric rotary mower, which is perfectly sufficient for the job, and grass clippings will go in the council wheeliebin. The grassbox on the mower makes it all easier. (Some people mow in carpet slippers). I won’t be even thinking about what is on the grass. It is all a heck of a lot better than when I used to strim healthcentres… My overalls used to absolutely stink. My children were small at the time and, to the best of my knowledge, were never off school sick…

Gardening is a very good thing to be involved with, even if it is only sitting in the front garden and smiling a cheery hello to the people walking by to and from the shops. (Sometimes it is necessary to force people to smile back at yourself!!)

Another idea for the coming week… Wander into a charity shop, and take a look around. I often pick up the teddies and cuddly toys. Feel the texture in your hands, the softness of the fabric. Remember, everything is pre-loved, nothing is, or ever will be sterile. That is important… We need each other, we share the air, and that is a good thing… It is vital, to build up our natural defences. Without exercise, our muscles would fade and weaken. Thus it is with our immune systems. Reasonably clean is the rule. And the word ‘Reasonably’ is actually quite a vague term. It will vary from person to person, from situation to situation. In other words, we can afford to relax a bit… It is exactly the same in food shops…

So… Let’s see how many smiles we can drag out of other people this week… It will do them a lot of good too. We may be the only person who acknowledges them that day. It is a basic human need… As part of our inner nature as we are.

Okay… That’s it till next Friday, hopefully on time! 22/03/2024. Wow it will soon be April! Be careful not to blink too much, or you’ll miss the bit of sunshine we are desperately hoping for!

Keep positive everyone…

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Well, The blog went on on time, but is caught up in the system awaiting moderation…

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Shall I write an extra one for tonight… Saturday?

Yes! Give me 9 hours!

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Well it has gone I believe….

So let’s just see where we are today…

How are you getting on with the smile dragging? I love it when someone smiles at me, even if I  have had to make the first step. It is addictive after a while… Dare I say ‘Infectious’?

Children are great respondents for this…

I giggle a lot these days… I find that it helps with my survival…

It will definitely help with yours too…

Last night I  went to the supermarket… I didn’t spend a lot, just wandered around in the bright lighting. The brilliant colour scheme.  I got a couple of items in my basket, plus a few for the food bank. Put it in when things are okay, so it will be there when things aren’t so good…

Just like everyone  these days, I  am suffering with a cold. It is the only ailment certain to drag me down… I  would rather stay snuggled up warm in bed… Our heating system is not working very well at present. I hate being cold.  Even our local jacuzzi centre is too cold to go in now… Something to do with saving money. But if no one goes?

Okay… I will bit and bob this week, to make absolutely sure that this blog continues.

Until later, dear friends.

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi Dear Friend, and welcome to another weekend. (Remember, Thank Crunchie it’s Friday?)

How did you get on with the smiling? It isn’t easy, for most of us it just ain’t natural. On a good day it can be really uplifting, for not so good days, just wait until the next good day.

Today, I went house viewing with some friends. They are moving from a very anti-social area. But it is ‘get the hellout, before you something terrible happens…’

They feel like they are ‘running away.’ But what from? It is an unsurmountable situation.

So maybe, it is what they are running to that is important here… To a better life… A happier life… A safer life…

We don’t know where our ‘breaking point’ is until we reach it, and then it is too late for us to stop… So… Keep moving towards happiness, don’t allow the stress to overwhelm. Step away from the fire that is burning you.

Maybe running is the wrong word… Escaping, regrouping to face fear in a slightly less direct way. If someone is proverbially throwing stuff at you, step neatly out of the way, until they metaphorically run out of ammo. Things like judo direct the assailants energy back at them, in such a way that they overbalance, Then they end up looking stupid, rather than ourselves.

From the outside, the houses are lovely, and we just have to make it until Tuesday for the first viewing. When they do find the right place, it will effectively be pulling them, we can get them moved to something really nice, and then, due to living somewhere safe, their whole outlook on life will change dramatically, so that they can work again, and really move on with things. A nice place to sleep makes all the difference. Make it nice if you have to…

We cannot do more for our kids…There are some really nice rental properties for those who cannot make enough for a mortgage. National minimum wage will not buy a house anymore.

White rooms are lighter, and light really lifts the spirits, helping the skin make vitamin D.  Wandering out in the fresh air helps too, dress up warm if necessary…

If the weather is unsuitable, open a bedroom window just a little bit, A ventilated room is easier to heat, because damp air needs more energy, and we breath out damp air all of the time. Half an hour lying on the bed, or sitting in a chair with an open window, is really good for us.

A hot refreshing shower is nice, especially as now public swimming pools are often too cold. Even our local spa whirlpoolbath is too cold to be therapeutic, whereas, a shower can be set just right…

Have a listen to therapeutic music on youtube. ‘Desiderata’, by Les Crane is nice. Also ‘If’, by Telly Savalas, is a nice one to relax to.

Make positive plans… Break them down into easy stages, and praise yourself for every step forward. It won’t always happen,  but for every not so good day, there can be lots and then lot’s more of good ones. Trust that the light at the end of the tunnel is not on an oncoming train. It usually isn’t.

So… For this next week then… Let’s carry on dragging the smiles out of other people, it gets nicer as time goes on…

Let’s Plan for better times ahead… They may not happen very soon, but planning is part of the fun.

Let’s count the number of gardens with flowering plants, as you walk around, with or without a dog… Remember, a bit of blue sky the size of a postage stamp is better than nothing, nice weather isn’t far away now.

And make a chair or bed comfortable enough to sink into, and relax… We all deserve it.

Until next week then, same time, same place, right here 29/03/2024, 6pm UK time, or thereabouts.

Let’s all try to have some fun…

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi everyone! Is the sun actually shining where you are?

I’ve actually noticed it today…. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you have a railway station near you? We do, but only one train a day in each direction !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Imagine how pointless that is? The platform is probably swept once a year! And as for any litter bins, well….

It is important to giggle… At anything you can. Find something you love to giggle at… The smaller the better… Something you are satisfied with. Not greed, greed is never satisfied,  it leads to wanting more and more, without end.

I saw a funny poem the other day that read,

The best things in life, make you fat, pregnant, or drunk!!!!  The other best things in life are free… Seek out the free of charge things… And own them for yourself… Take ownership, they can actually belong to you, be of value to you… Special… Like us…

If I pop this Fridays blog on on Thursday night… What do you reckon!? I might just sort it Friday afternoon…!!!!!! ????????????????

Until then dear friends…

Wannabe

 

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi dear friends!

Well, I  have taken a bit of a risk… It’s Friday!!!!!

What do we do when our offers of sharing  sem to get rejected or sidelined? I have this with some groups I am involved with… There are things that I am really good at, but they don’t want my help… Except with stuff no one else  will do cos it might involve getting extremely cold for instance…

I’m very easy going, with everyone… Smile grabbing I work at all the time. I could never go on a deliberately adults only holiday…

Discussing bunions etc is just awful…

Kids break the ice… Lots of smiles and excitement.

Being ignored in society can be so dismal. If I go somewhere else is okay, but we all need to be acknowledged don’t we? People can be so crue, Can’t they?

I seem to attract some really awful people to work with….

Tbe sunsbine today in tbe uk jas been pleasant… Maybe we can go out for a walk wnen grandchildren arrive tomorrow… We have some outside play equipment near us,  then it is straight into costa for a drink and cake…

The thing about going into a cafe, is the chance to hear others complaining about the same things that trouble ourselves.

When we understand how much something really costs, we value it more, treasure it more…, Even appreciate it.  Whereas a mere expense account item, has no real percieved value, to anyone, and end up wanting more and more to absolute excess.

If you have no small children of your own, simply hang out where other people’s are! A few hours at a time is wonderful! The problem is keeping up with them!

I have had to resort to abandoning windows, cos I can’t stop them updating my system. I just want my software left as it is… I really struggle with computers… We didn’t have them at school, I even struggle with metric measurements! Even decimal currency was a big issue for me in the beginning, just remember what it did to the price of sweets!

So… If people don’t accept you sharing, simply move to others… We all need positive feedback  and a little reassurance at times. We don’t need to risk burnout…

Don’t forget to treat yourself sometimes and often. Smiling in the mirror is not vain if it is done silently. A nice hairdresser’s appointment can really lift us up. Just a shampoo and dry off whe someone else is administering it is really nice…

Happy Easter everyone regardless of faith if any. A little chocolate, or even maybe a biscuit and cuppa… A breath of fresh air…

We are all definitely worth something… Based on the amount of real friends we have, people who love us for who we are, rarher than how much we pay them…

So, let’s keep smile- grabbing… We appreciate it more…

Unti next Friday 4 April dear friends,  about 6pm uk time, right here…

Wannabe

 

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Hi dear friends….

Well we’ve made it through another week…. Just… I have been hopelessly stressed out. Literally, I have had to accept that some of my hopes have been non starters for years. No one had any intention of  allowing me to proceed with my hopeful  plans. I would have been stealing their limelight domination. My church was more of a theatre than a place of worship. The same people getting the starring roles… People there to be seen.

It can be like that in any group of people…

We all need to feel  valued… Otherwise we are basically metaphorically playing tennis on our own, with no positive regard from others around us, and we become discouraged

Does it get like that for you  dear friend?

How do we best deal with this?

Move… Seek out the really nice people…

Metaphorically pull the rug out from under the bullies. They must be stopped from hurting people.

Let’s fight for our happiness!

A good book to help us is ‘Feeling good,  the new mood therapy’, by  Dr David Burns.

Also, anything cheerful on YouTube.

Happy stuff…

And, Don’t get mad Print it!

Use a free word processor and keep the printouts in a loose leaf binder  Not necessarily for anyone else to see…

And have fun! Anything you enjoy doing…

Cos us ocders ARE worth it…

Simply because of what we have to cope with… Very often alone… Cos the system is underfunded, And hopelessly overstretched.

We need all the help we can get… Maybe we should all write books about this, and self-publish on amazon kdp…. ????  We are experts after all!

And a very important thing… We need to look after ourselves first… Only then can we possibly have the strength to assist anybody else.

 

Until next Friday then, dear friends,

Wannabe

 

 

[Author]

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