Wannabefree’s Friday night Blog…

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Hi dear friends… I forgot!!!! It has been so busy this week. I have a terrible cold, and if anything is going to drag me down, a cold is the very thing… It has been terribly stressful, church has been crap, so I  have left.  They really didn’t want me there… To be honest, it was more of a theatre than church, and all the starring roles were going to the same people. The loud ones!

Tomorrow I have one last place to try…

Anyway… This weeks blog is all about the joy of sharing. One of the most satisfying things in life, that can literally cost nothi g, like a smile for instance… The financial  cost is irrelevant,  in fact, the less money involved, the more valuable the outcome.

The thing is, it is totally impossible to ‘share’ anything you don’t truly own or hold true deep emotional attachment to. In other words, it is impossible to share forward something that really belongs to someone else, or that you haven’t actually bought yourself.

If a business person, on their way home from work, say, calls at a petrol station for fuel, and gets it on their expense account, also picks up chocolates and flowers for their partner, on that same account, it does not constitute a gift. At all… The businesshas got them on the cheap, ie for nothing. The recipient on the other hand, through their payment of taxes etc, has actually bought their own gift… Not very romantic is it?

Consider another option… Have you seen the chocolate advert of the little girl buying a birthday present for her Mum. The reaction by the shopkeeper is priceless.

We can do that…

A nine year old boy saves his pocket money, to buy a packet of chocolate biscuits… (You may have noticed by this point, that I have a bit of a thing about chocolate!).  He finds a plate, and lays the biscuits out in a nice pattern, and takes them to people he knows. It is only a few biscuits, but the joy of sharing is totally priceless,  totally immense. He is sharing something he truly owns. He feels really appreciated and special. That is how things need to happen, if society is to survive and move on.

But in my case, that didn’t happen this last three years or so, with the church I tried so hard to be part of. My gift is an ability to play the organ, both hands and feet, and entirely by ear, I  cannot read music notation.  They don’t like organ,  I don’t dress posh, and so on…

Three years ago, I  invited someone to come to my home… I offered them a chance to play my musical equipment,  and have a coffee… They came just once… I kind of assumed they would return the favour… No chance. Not only that, the equipment in the church building was totally off-limits to me. And they made sure I knew it.  So I  built my own, rinning up an absolute fortune on credit cards, in a futile attempt to get into their clique.

So, My next question  is…

What do you do, when you try to share something when no one else wants it? They literally refused to hypotheticacally ‘eat any of the biscuits I offered them’. They effectively rejected me… still that nineyearold boy, holding back the tears. Cos boys aren’t supposed to cry…

So I have now done what the boy did, taken my biscuits home, never to return to those horrible uncaring people.

A church really shouldn’t  be like that… I  guess they were there to perform and be seen, rather than worship.

Could this be the reason that churches have fewer people in them these days?

I am now out of that toxic relationship. I  have set up my instruments at home. I am very choosy about who I  invite now.

So, seeking out nice people to share just a smile with, is the order of this week… It costs nothing to sit in a library and smile at others around me. Just as for me, it may be the only smile they recieve all day… And we all understand  the importance of solving that one.

If no one appears to be interested in you, then you be interested in you. Give a friendly look at yourself in the mirror. Treat yourself to a packet of chocolate biscuits (or even wagonwheels!)

In the words of the carpenters song, ‘Don’t  worry if it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear, Just sing, sing your song…’

Mamas and papas, and paloma faith,  ‘Make your own kind 9f music, sing your own special song, even if nobody else sings along.

And finally; Desiderata, by Les Crane. Check them all out on YouTube. Sing along to them, make the words your own. I’m off to do that right now.

Until next week dear friends… Hopefully Friday,  at about 6pm, right here.

Wannabe

 

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Hi dear friends.. Well, I  don’t know about you, but for me, this week has been a real struggle. I have the flu… Now if there is anything guaranteed to drive me to despair, it is the symptoms of flu. We all know how awful it is, I don’t  need to remind you or me.

This week, there has been a major breakcown in communication at my local church/social circle.

How often do you send say, an email, only for it not get answered for days, if ever…  You have reached out, but if others don respond, how can you work out where you stand?

Some years ago, I  enrolled on a project 2000 nursing course. I figured that, if I  could learn how to help others, I would be better quipped to help myself too… Except that, we usually didn’t have enough resources to help those in our care, and became far too exhausted to do much but collapse at the end of a shift, assuming of course, that the next shift team came in to relieve us… If not, we stayed until we dropped.

I was on an rmn course, a mental health nurse. One of the key things in nursing, is engaging eye contact with patients. A large proportion of commu icating, is through the eyes. On one tv programme, the charge nurse, an rmn, virtually never looked anyone else in the eyes. Not a very accurate portrayal at all.

A good measure of why this approach failed, is to watch someone talking on the telephone. Just look at the body language! The person at the other end  cannot  see any of the hand waving and head shaking!

Well, I emailed someone importamt, and asked their opinion on something, an issue close to my heart, that had bedn concsring me for sevdral years, to the point where I  had basically decided to leave, and go somewhere instead. My partner actually attended an unrelated meeting, but the someone important, had been already sorting out something for me. But they hadn’t e mailed me back, and as a result, I had almost actually transferred across. I had effectively left., made the break. I had been waiting for years…

I’m a bit confised and stressed at the moment… I honesbelieved that nobody there cared… The blank stares I got were testament to that…

They needed to let me know a lot earlier what they were looking at doing for me…

In past I was often badly let down… I am a wounded spirit, still needing fime to recover. This drives my smile grabbing…

Let’s see if we can ourselves take the initiative, push to get our own needs met, Only then can we possible raise the strengh to be able to uelp someone else…

Let’s  work on our communication this week. Be really brave and try eye contact with others… Say a cheery thankyou when someone helps us, like the till operator wherever you go, and feel the eventual lift in spirit. A little bit at a time, a day at a time, even a breath at a time, and then lets compare notes next week hypothetically, and see how we get on… It just might be fantastic…

Until next week dear friends….  Friday evening 26 April, at about 6pm, right here…

Wannabe

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Hi everyone…

‘Be the reason to make someone smile today…’

On a poster in a shop. Mmmmm, sounds like a good idea to me. If someone  smiles back at us, intentionally or not, it can give us a massive lift… In fact is genuinely does give us a massive lift. A big return for a relatively small outlay. The more we do it, the easier it gets. And the better it gets… Give it a week, this week, starting tomorrow…

One of the things people do in informal church gatherings, is give testimonies… Little snippets of wisdom, that are actually 99% positive… We emphasise on the nice things about our day, instead of focussing on the not so nice things. They may be difficult to find sometimes, but they are usually there somewhere.

I’m in my late sixties now, but one of the things I have taken to doing recently, is giving myself pocket money. It is only a few quid a week, but it is there, as small change. I then go into charity shops and buy what I  affectionately call ‘cuddlies’. Teddies, if you like. There is a vast array of them available these days, and surprisingly inexpensive… And oh so lovely to hold… wonderful colours… some fit in a jacket pocket… I get away with it by beinga grandad, but they are most definitely for me. I have them on chairs and shelves at home… Rows and rows of smiling faces… And you don’t feel so alone… And when there isn’t always someone around to cuddle us for real…

I finally gave in today, and went to my gp… I have been swallowing cattarh for about seven months… blocked/runny nose, burning eyes and throat etc. And very disturbed sleep. And that is guaranteed to make me feel crap… I have been prescribed a course of medicines… It is still only a few hours in, but just maybe, things are easing. We will have to see how it goes…

Have you noticed how expensive interior decorating materials are getting! I only want to mood up my bedroom, not Windsor Castle! Nowadays it costs more to paint a wall, than it used to actually build the wall! We have to be fairly sympathetic about colour, as it is a rented house.

One of the things I do now, is charge up my laptop pc, and go out to do a bit of writing…

I write letters to the people I hate! They don’t a tually get sent of course, but  I have them in my mind’s eye as I write! No one gets on with absolutely everyone of course, but I  guess we all will occassionally come face to face with a bully… One of the problems in my own church, is that some people have specific roles. And some go way over the top, get very judgemental,  vindictive, critical. I avoid them like the plague. Some faith groups have specific dress, that can become  more like a theatrical costume on a metaphorical stage…

These people destroy togetherness and friendships… I wonder if that is the reason there are so many denominations?

Tomorrow,  I  go to the park with the grandchildren… Assuming I can come close to keeping up with them…

One thought to consider till next week… ‘For the first eleven years or so of a childs life, we are constantly trying to get them to stop, sit still, and behave in some way… At thirteen, they don’t want to do anything but laze around and do very little… Who stopped them?!!!

Okay… Let’s be good to ourselves this coming week… Maybe buy that special pack pf biscuits, or tiny cuddly toy from the charity shop… And don’t forget to ‘grab a smile’. That other person will need it just as much as you and me.

To finish for this week right where we began then…

Let’s be the reason to make someone else smile today…

Until next week then, dear friends, same time, same place, right here.

Wannabe

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Typing late tonight!!!

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Hi dear friends… Running a little late today, trying to sort out computer printer problems…

Okay, today, it is the subject of being taken advantage of… As ocders, we are often the sensitive caring ones… If someone needs help, we can be generous to be well thought of. But, unfortunately, that leaves us very vulnerable.  People get upset with me cos I  don’t  like to borrow. They say that I am ungrateful of their offer.

The thing is, in my experience, I  would borrow something , maybe a tool, in the past, from them, it would invariably  break, meaning that I  would feel indebted to replace it, at my own cost, do their job for them, then give them the tool I had bought, often with no thanks for anything. And cos I  was family, I  recieved no payment for the job either. So I  ended up keeping my distance, where people thought I  was being selfish and idle…

Why is it, that, the more generous we try to be, the more and more they want off us?

They are really being greedy…

So nowadays, I try to have my own, even an if basic, as long as it works… My own printer will have me paying for my own ink… Not getting moaned at for using theirs… And these people, who do exist, are seen as respectable people in my community!

We are sensitive, but we don’t  get lifted to bring our own unique qualities to light. We are deliberately knocked down to keep others in the limelight.

In some churches, it is more like a theatre than a place of worship… The same people there to be seen… Celebrities,  people who think they should be admired and celebrated,  emphasis on the word ‘think’.

I want to feel loved, it is a basic human need… I will deliberately  walk through streets knowing that others will be coming towards me, that way I usually get a response when smiling and saying ‘hi’ It’s adictive, you try it. A quick walk around the block… Others  need it just as much as we do… it is a basic human need, as natural as we are.

I often go into charity shops to buy cuddly toys… Especially brightly coloured smiling ones…

I would much rather be a nice person,  than a rich arrogant one…

Last week, in church, we were asked to write a sticker on a name badge for ourselves… some had lots  of stickers, some that others had put on their jerseys too…

I had just one… ‘Grandad’.

Until next friday dear friends, hopefully I  will be a bit further with getting obsolete computers to work… They are the only ones I can afford right now…

Until Next Friday, 10, May, about 6pm. Right here.

Wannabe

 

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I’m just getting this weeks  entry written right now…

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Okay… I have been typing for ages on my tablet, hit the wrong something on the screen and it has deleted the whole thing… We are most certainly  not in charge of the computers around us. Give me another half-hour or so. Mind you, it will never be the same…

The weather today in England has been quite nice. Pleasant warm sunshine. It can lift the spirit a little.

A bit of favourite   music can help too.

It is sad that we don’t do so much singing anymore. A struggling school got sued by a music publisher for photocopying words. The millionaire publisher won…  But schools do not have the funding to pay upwards of seven pounds a  copy of official manuscripts, so they don’t get sung anymore, at all. They tried to say that ‘pirating’ was killing music. But in my eyes, it was the  millionaire  music publishers, after all, they all drive expensive cars, and live in huge houses… They do better than the pop groups…  Without people singing, nothing is even promoted, so no one is going to buy anything anyway… Never mind.

 

I want to start riding my bike… I would dearly love to link it up with a  bus pass… But our bus timetables are stupid! As are the local trains… When you get there, you have to immediately get back on the train, otherwise it sill be several days later when we return home. It most definitely is not a service

I have will continue tomorrow,  my typing has just got ridiculous,,,

Wannabe

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Just for this week, I will adjourn  to midday Saturday 11may tomorrow right here. I’m absolutely exhausted today…

Until tomorrow dear friends…????

Wannabe

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Hi dear friends, thankfully I  feel a bit more awake now.

One of the things I  do a lot of, is sit outside in the street. The more people about, the better. Dogs come up to you, children smile, and people are often known to reply to a cheerful hello from ourselves. The difficulty can come when someone greets me, and I  am most definitely not feeling okay… Like just after my phone got stolen… I  fought back the tears…

As a writer, I  look around me… There is none so blind, as he who will  not see… (Ray Stevens). It is awful when I highlight something is wrong, especially  for children, and get met by blank expressions cos ‘he’s moaning again…’ I’m not moaning at all, I  am simply highlighting the injustices, especially linked to people needing foodbanks and childrens breakfast clubs at school, when so many round us have far too much, who then a avoid payi g tax, giving us the situation where we have nothing left in front of us…  I  will leave you to google that one…

I am going to give books as presents to my grandchildren… I  do still struggle to believe in the standard of written work. I may think it is okay ( I  used to think it was rubbish…). Is what I am giving any good? Or am I  being made to feel bad about my stuff,  so that I’m easier to kick out of the way, by  people who employ ghost writers?

 

The thing  is, What do I do, in order to get the joy of sharing, when I  have nothing of value to anyone else to offer?

We are all wonderfully made, especially us wounded spirits… Real life is not easy… if it was, there would be no real sense of achieving anything really special for ourselves…

Sometimes our own worst enemies are the negative feelings we hold inside…

Contrary to how we may feel sometimes, true, real success is nothing to do with academic or wealth. If it were, life itself would have little or no value…

I will leave you to ponder that one! But never, as others may try to make you, never undervalue  yourself as a person… The fact that you have feelings, makes you incredibly important… The poem Desiderata is powerful testament to that.

We often feel that everyone else is happier than we are. Believe me, they most definitely aren’t… Just look up and you will see for yourself..

That’s  why they are so desperate  for yet another expensive car, house, or millions of dollars etc.

If you have difficulty standing straight, then sit straight. Head up to the sunlight. And smile!  It takes a a bit of energy, but it is oh so wonderful to our inner spirit. It works because it is a built in system in the body, it is as natural as we are, and we are born with it… Internal hard wiring of the brain itself. We are designed physically to stand upright, the structures inside us respond to gravity, and light. A bit of favourite fruit can help, it assists the release of nutrients from the other stuff we eat.

Just allow yourself to  be you… (And that is nowhere near as easy as it sounds, but the results are usually amazing, even if only to ourselves…)

So that is this weeks challenge…

Just allow yourself to be you. Allow yourself to have feelings. If no one else will listen, just jot it all down somewhere important to you, and read it often.

That is you and me…  Taking up our place in the world,  however humble that may initially appear.

Until next week dear friends… Hopefully Friday! 17 May,  About 6pm uk time, right here…

Wannabe

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Just a thought over lunch…

If we can somehow develop the skill of truly valuing  ourselves… That maybe really good to have a go at. Cos in the whole magnitude of everything, ‘Ourselves’ is probably the only thing that anyone of us on this planet will ever really own?

Wannabe

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Hi dear friends… We’ve  made it to the weekend…

It has been a hell of a week for me… We don’t realise how useful the microwave oven is, until it blows up… I  am back to using the kettle for coffee… The worst times I have with it, are when reheating cooked sausages… 10 seconds too long, and they become car components!

We need the oven big enough to get a dining plate in… We chose one on the internet in the end, because it needed to be able to cope with the wide range of cooking that I do. Until that arrives, it is back to the old time tested methods.

One thing I  have been doing this week, is walking to the shopping area in town… Someone can be coming along the road towards me, so I  look, and wait for them to return eye contact. A cheerful hiya usually does the trick. They almost alwa respond… Someone has finally acknowledged the fact that I am really there. It ctually gives a sense of self worth… I  have gotten that person to not only smile at me, but experience the positiveness of a positive greeting. It costs me nothing… But I get a massive buzz out of doing it. Iactually have to find resons to go out of the house now…. tue supermarket is only a mile or so away… I can pick up some treats for home…

If nothing else, it has been a bit of physical exercise… Mind you, I don’t get out

the measuring tape…

Tomorrow, a couple of our grandchildren visit for a few hours… It will be absolute chaos, but we love it… I  get rest before and after…

We go to the park, and play on the swings etc.

I’m hoping to get my driving license  back this week… dvla in the uk are very slow, and everything is done by ‘snailmail’.  I  will only be ackup driver anyway,  but it should help things move along…

Are you thinking about maybe getting few days away this year? Just a coulpof days, someone else doing the cooking, different plates etc. The wonderful notion that you won’t actually know what tea is, until it is actually on the table in front of you… And no washing up!

I was awake most of last night, sorting out some important stuff, regarding the things we are actually  allowed to do to our home… I t is rental, so we have to behave ourselves!

Let’s  try and enjoy ourselves in some way over the next few days… Even if it is sitti g in  a favourite chair by an open window…  So,  a bit garden digging…

Quick before it rains… !

 

I will keep things short tonight… My eyes are burning… I  will attempt  to get on here next Friday evening. In the meantime, chocolate beckons!

A little treat from me to me…

Wannabe

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Hi dear friends, We’ve actually made it to Friday! One breath at a time!

Yesterday, I found a folding spade… it goes in a carrier bag… I  will place a label on, With something along the lines of people taking offence at everything I do, they can now dig up the fence posts as well, and leave the area tidy!!!! Metaphorically of course!

I feel like I offend everyone… Is it because I attempt to smile as much as I can. A smile doesn’t actually hurt anyone, but it certainly helps me feel better. And definitely will you too.

I actually played keyboards in church last night… During a time when the building happened to be out of use, but opened. I was basically testing it to see how it would sound in the space… Really good, fortunately. It has been a very, very long wait to attain this, with a lot of resistance along the way.  How can I have ever been spoiling anything? I turn to the wall in tears. “Children should be seen and not heard…”  What a killer that statement turned out to be… But it was commonly used during my younger years…

Continue… next post

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Pushed the wrong button… cotinuing now…

That previous statement would be regarded as child abuse today… It has taken a very, very long time to smash it…

One of the things I  like to do, is wander into charity shops… Gone are the days of shabby unwearable clothing… They have some fabulous stuff! And you ne er know what you will find. They have fab cuddlies too! I usually come home with something really nice, that fits, and for a really good price, the only one in the shop!

We need to treat ourselves a lot… Otherwise it is easy to feel worthless… Wearing something we like will do immeasurable boost to our self esteem. Then we can manage to walk down the street and attempt smile grabbing…

‘Let us pause for a moment and ponder on what we have achieved today…’

Can we all do that, tonight? Just before bedtime. It is a really postive thing to do before sleep…

I will try and have a reasonably quick shower… Not to be clean, just comfortable, cool, unclog the pores a bit… Listen to favourite music… Even try and play along on the key boards. With no one else in the room there is no one to tell me off… After all, I  am in my sixties!

So, what shall we attempt this week?  Concentrate on the good things, the nice things first. It is important to be aware of the wrong in the world, but don’t let it destroy everything else… We are good people… Let’s not forget that… We are important to the world, even if nobody actually says  so.

Okay… I  have an important phone call to make…

Until next week dear friends…

Same time, same place, right here…

Wannabe

 

 

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Hi dear friends.

Do you ever get the feeling that other people are waiting to see you fail? Do they get some sort of weird pleasure out of doing so? I feel so vulnerable sometimes. I get caught up in the trap of, ‘If I  try a bit harder, maybe things will go okay’.  Of course,  it doesn’t work  quite like that. As a schoolchild, I  would stay up all night handwriting homework… I  didn’t know that our bloodsugar drops at night… I would have been writing gobbledegook. Add to that the thing about not having enough to eat etc. I had no chance at all. And tsa hers in those days ssemed to believe that, if one child in a family was a academic, then all the other siblings would be too. But that was utterly false. My sister went on to university… I  was expected to fail…  Regardless of quality of teaching… Which I found out later, was pretty crap to say the least…

In more recent times, I have tried to give others the motivation I never had… I  love to observe things around me, but trying to make people care about anything, has just led to frustration. Not to mention anger from those around me…

“My friend, it doesn’t matter how much you try, you cannot make others care, about anything at all…  So exactly when are you going to finally give up trying…

From your special friend”

That statement brought me to tears… It is oh so true… I  would get so wound up a out the injustices in the world… But no one else cared.  When  disaster hits, I can say that; Well no one did anything to stop that did they? I here y rest my case…

Do you have regular contact from relatives? Have you “paid it forward”, and then found that there is no one to help us when we ourselves need that help? Why does no one care about me?  Why do people avoid supporting me? I must have something good about me? Surely I have some worth in this world?  When it comes to leaving a will, I don’t have anything of material value to give anyone…

What I do go with, is the statement that, An inheritance, is something you give to someone,  but a legacy, is something you leave inside them… (Craig d. Lounsbrough). As a grandad I  rather like that one… It just means being yourself… No airs or graces… Just time, you cannot put a price on that… And if Mum and Dad are at work all the time to make ends meet, then good old Grandma and Grandad,  plus extended family will help our children become happy people. Pride used to be generated from the type of work we do, but nowadays it has to be built from inside ourselves. Small victories count big these days.

Tonight I will be painting a wall… A feature wall, in a brave colour… bold, but not too dark… I have mixed some from paint in the shed… New prices are totally stupid! I wait with baited breath to take the lid off the mixing tin…

So… For this week then… let’s not try so hard to influence people around us… let them figure it out for themselves… It is their world too… And don’t forget to have fun along the way…

Let’s  remember about our ‘smile grabbing’, It costs nothing, but gives such a lot of joy in our hearts, and that to me, is what life is all about…

Until next week then, dear friends, Friday 7 June, at around 6pm uk time, right here…

Wannabe

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Hi friends.

Have you ever had to give up on something or someone?

It makes you feel like a failure, doesn’t it?

But what if it isn’t entirely down to you or me?

Sometimes, the harder we try, the harder we are resisted or rejected.  Why do other people  do this to you and me?

I have decided to reduce my involvement with my local church… I  just don’t  fit in…

A film in the sixties had Peter Sellers playing a village vicar…(Heavens above). A wonderful quote he came out with, ‘ What  I can give, they don’t  want, and what they need, I can’t  give…’  I sense that feeling every Sunday morning…

There are things I would need to be doing in order to fit in, but because I  am physiologically unable to do them, they don’t want anything else from me, but I  have so much to give…

So much of the church stuff today seems to rely on academic ability. But I have none…

They are so totally tangled up in their own rules and regulations, it is difficult to function anyway…

In a garden, it is much easier. You can be on your own wavelength,  rather than trying to conform with other people’s.

You need to avoid going too far to please others… Many are simply incapable of appreciating anything. They take, take, and take again…  Should I  suggest that this is the main cause of burnout? People are leaving important professions faster than they can be trained, and to be fair, a lot of these jobs are done regardless of money involved.

Managers, who are so out of touch with how people function well, are kept in the office where they seem to do less damage.

People who really, really care, are breaking, we have a limited physiological capacity to deal with the world around us. We absolutely need enough rest, food and fluids to function at all. Whatever we try to do, our bodies are regulated by natural processes. Over ride those at your peril…

I have made sure that there are backups in place for things to carry on, so that I can literally save myself and my sanity. If people think I am weak, that is their opinion of me, not mine. Not anymore.

It is said in religious circles that people are walking away from the deities above us.

I challenge that theory… People are walking away from established groups of people, who seek to control others, who belittle, who judge, who, even when small in physical stature, manage to look down on the rest of us…

I actually remove my spectacled when entering, then I  don’t notice any looks of disapproval,  that’s if I get anyone to notice me anyway…

Have courage, my friend. Always be true to yourself. Become your own best friend…

Well, that’s it for now… Between now and next week, check out ‘Desiderata’ by Les Crane. And a other I found this week is ‘Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.’ By Vince Gill.

Until next Friday 14/06/24 then, approx same time, same place, right here.

Never forget, Everyone has a place on earth, and that includes you and me, for always…

Wannabe

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Hi again dear friends. I really could do with some sleep! I have also had to concede to using antihistamines. I never used to get hay fever, but my nose is continually blocked these days, further adding to my feelings of being really tired a lot of the time now, after all, I  am approaching my 70’s now.

How do we assess the true value of something…

It’s a good question,  that one… After all, it is the actual value to us of something,  that will deternine how much we appreciate it…  Regardless of monetary value… That simply determines how much of something we paid, if anything at all. Something obtained on an expense account ñever becomes our property in any meaningful way… The money isn’t  ours, so neither is the item… We didn’t  actually  ‘earn’ it. It was merely,  given. We did nothing to actually take ownership of it.

So, tomorrow we may simpy want another, maybe better  one, better than our neighbour.

Everything is competition, where total winning is the only option. Second place is nowhere…

How are expected to cope with people going on about our shortcomings, whilst we try to overlook theirs?  It sems to happen a lot these days.

We can be surrounded by a heck of a lot of greed. We didn’t  have food banks fifty years ago…  Should we be proud that we have them now?

People deliberately  avoiding paying their fair share of taxes…  I  don’t  mind people being richer than me, a mere pensioner,  but I  do resent those who take away the funding so that none of us go hungry…   People who only give to charity when it gets them a tax break…

We can truly value something, regardless of financial number. That is merely a number on a balance sheet.  What we give of ourselves for something, will ultimately determine how much we appreciate it.  Otherwise, we could own everything, but without ever being satisfied with any of it. The billionaire who constantly craves more. No amount could ever be enough once you pass a certain point…

A smile is totally proceless, to all who give or receive it. And yet we cannot touch it. We cannot buy or sell it, not a real honest one anyway…

So… More ‘smile grabbing’ this week then… Sometimes a smile is gonna be the only thing we have to give, but it’s value to us, totally wipes out all other emotions…

I occasionally fill an insulated drinks container with a favourite hot drink, and just sit on a bench, watching the world go past me. Just sitting out in the sunshine somewhere.

Try a park bench, and just soak up the atmosphere around… Sounds… They are all around us, all of the time. Just listen to everything this week… everything and anything…

I love music… I play keyboards… Yet cannot read music notation… Or write it for that matter…  It is just dots and lines… But what about playing by ear? An art that takes an absolute lifetime to master…

Just enjoy… simply enjoy…

Until next week then, dear friends… Friday 21/06/24, same sort of time 6pm uk time, right here, and let’s  continue to try and make some sort of sense, of a very imperfect world.

Wannabe

 

 

[ArchiveParticipantParticipant]

Hi dear friends,

This week I  am highlighting the importance of having people in your life who believe in you… Not like the overinflated egos of so-called celebrities. But ordinary fearful, nervous people such as you and I..

In church I  actually remove my spectacles… That way I  avoid the condescending looks, or glances away.

The child who, at school was maybe put down for singing… Some never ever sing again… Unfortunately making way for the bullies. Who of course have no talent at all anyway.

They used to say that bullies grow out of it .. Many go on to be managers, and places of authority, even some care homes…

Anyway… Now we are adults, how do we find genuine support for ourselves. We all need self confidence, but a bit of moral support now and then really helps.

In school reports, we always had that one teacher who was bitterly disappointed with us…

I had a sibling who was very academic… ‘Your sister can do it, why can’t you?’ And other stupid statements.

I ended up believing that it was me who was stupid… For years…

So how do we turn this around now?

Right now…

Clubs tend to be a no no…  Rooms full of people there to be seen…

It used to be people with a common interest, clubbing together, and sharing something really special to do with their particular interest

Now it is members paying for things that only committee members get to enjoy…

Railway societies,  where only the same people get to drive

Social clubs, the same people get the best seats.

The cycling club where you have to have the ‘right’ gear to ‘fit in’

<p style=”text-align: left;”>Check out ‘positive affirmations’ on you tube. Start to accept for yourself what is being said.</p>
There is a book called ‘letters to a poet’, that is considered to  be helpful here.

Let go of the negative self talk. It is almost always wrong… We are worth it… All of us…

Find that thing you happen to be naturally gifted at, and build on it. Seek out the places and people who will nurture you, read up, and watch videos  on you tube. Even make your own videos for you tube. A phone camera is good enough. Share your thoughts with the whole world, not just your small corner.

And me? Well, I write… just for me… I write the stuff I like to read… Anything at all.

Let’s see how we get on this week…

Write on yout notebook software, you don’t need anything particularly special. And be proud of it. It is specifically yours…

Many celebrities don’t even read the books with their names on… No fun in that at all… nor achievement…

Until next week then 28/06/2024, same sort of time, right here.

Wannabe

 

[ArchiveParticipantParticipant]

Hi everyone… Dear friends, I  am really, really tired tonight… A bit of so-called relaxing gardening! Let’s  face it, I am totally shattered, and other words to that effect. How can heavy digging possibly be regarded as relaxing! A large transport bag of topsoil, from a supplier, placed on my front yard, ready to be transported down my sideway, to the back garden, where we are creating a lawn. At least it is what can be described as being ‘clean’. And free of weeds. It is half done… I have purposefully left a nice bit to do tomorrow. I need to somehow enjoy the experience!

Tomorow, the grandchildren arrive… We go riding bikes on the local park… I  love it! Lot’s of fun.

I have invested in a shower cubicle. I did have a jacuzzi mat for the bath, but to be honest, I  can’t  be bothered to wait for the bath to fill! It’s  just, into the shower for perhaps ten minutes, then out and dry… I got the best spray attachment I could lay my hands on… It really makes a difference to our day… Get the water nice and hot… Have towels at the ready…

I will go and have that shower in just a bit…

It is all clean enough… It may be ‘bontaminated’, but only in a good way… I  need to be in contact with normal ordinary germs… That way, I build up my own natural immuniry to the world around me. We all need that, it 8s how we adapt and survive. We have been doing that since the moment we were born… And we are still here, aren’t we?

Yes we are! Absolutely.

I sometimes play keyboards in the dark… Musical keyboards. I play by ear, so can actually join in with music going on around me…

Tonight I will sleep… luscious, all absorbing sleep. Tomorrow I will move a little more sool from my front yard fom delivery, to my backyard, where a new lawn is being created.

I have decided to start buying fruit… Apparently,  fruit helps release the energy from other foods… Anything is worth a try after the day I have had…

Let’s all try that… enjoy the foods we like, but with the addition of some fruit…

And music… favourite music… anything you like… Just enjoy it… It is entirely for you… Just you, right now… And anytime you want, especially on headphones.

I will do the same… A short one tonight…

Until next week then dear friends… Wow, it is almost July! Halfway through another year… Enjoy the weather… assuming of course you like sunshine…

And sleep in tomorrow if you can…

Same time and place next friday evening dear friends, right here.

Wannabe

 

[ArchiveParticipantParticipant]

Hi friends. Another week, another dollar, as they say.

Blessed release…

I have made the momentous decision to leave a very toxic, long running situation…

This has been a long time thing… As an OCD sufferer, I have spent almost all of my life serving others… All for everyone else…  desperately trying to get other people to like me, to want me, to accept me for who I  am, not for what I can be cajoled into doing for them…

Part of my OCD, In fact virtually all of it, due to the awful attitudes of many of those around me. I have walked away… To be at others beck and call, No more…

My life is my own now… Yes, I  am still person of faith, But not to serve ratty, manipulative, awful people. People who just didn’t want me as the person I am inside…

There will be nice people out there… Maybe they will find me… Reach out to me… I will find them… Life is gonna be great again…

I have the right to just go as far as half way to meet up with others… I have gone way beyond the call of duty to survive… I  have done all the running, used my own money and time. But have been left feeling abused, undervalued, totally taken advantage of… By people who really shouldn’t be like this… People you would expect better of… Prominent people in the community…

But I know what I  am taking away with me… Me!  A survivor.

Perhaps you, dear reader need to make a momentous decision for yourself? Are you happy?

Sometimes our OCD can leave us vulnerable to others whims. We worry about others feelings, health… My own issue regarding contamination… I lost jobs over that… I had multiple suicide attempts due to trying to somehow get on with, and work with very toxic people.

It just ain’t worth it my friend… You need to find your happiness, in a very stressful life situation.

We no longer have enough in life to be proud of ourselves anymore.

Work no longer brings pride… Neither in production, or money. We are worn out… Physically exhausted,  understaffed, demoralised.

All this in only fifty years… Britain has gone from empire, to not enough for us to feel happy about.

Let’s see if we can build ourseves up again… Just do something happy… Start with a smile… You remember the smile-grabbing thing we started together? Let’s all start doing that right now… A cheery smile, and ‘Hiya!’ And walk on. It works better than anything else.

It really does! Go to a mirror in your home, right now, and smile at yourself… It will lift you. Far more than any old pay rise or expense account. Money does not make us happy…

The more greedy they are, the even more they want…

So…

That’s it for this week… Don’t forget to keep smiling… You may be the only one… But it will make you feel lifted too… And that is absolutely vital. Vital beyond our  wildest dreams…

Let’s go for it together!

Seeya next Friday, about the same time, right here…

Wannabe

[ArchiveParticipantParticipant]

<p style=”text-align: left;”>Mmmm… For a moment…!</p>
I’m thinking ahead for this evening…

I’m exhausted… Physically and mentally… There’s only so much we can cope with… We are built to live between periods of sleep. My sleep patterns are downright stupid… Hence the ridiculous UK time I am writing this!

I have a new idea I’m working on… It is based purely on becoming proud of myself… It is basic, costs very little, it can be as basically creating a really nice sandwich for my partner. I will like it, even if she doesn’t… I have made it myself.. My own hands… Not by someone who has done it for me…

My own achievement… However small it may seem to someone else. How I feel about it deep inside..  Me…

All a greedy person has, is material goods, I have good feelings inside myself… What is more satisfying?

I’ll leave you to answer that one..

Till tonight then.

Wannabe

[ArchiveParticipantParticipant]

<p style=”text-align: center;”>And I’m broke…</p>

[ArchiveParticipantParticipant]

Hi dear friend…

We’ve made it through another week, just… I for one am absolutely exhausted… For some reason my sleep patterns are allover the place…  Without sleep, we are ill-equiped to cope with our day, life is stressful enough anyway, without exhaustion to deal with…

We had carpet fitters in today… The underlay went down, along with all the grip rods etc. Then the carpet was brought in, and was twelve inches too short!  So, we have the room, no doors, and just the underlay in place…

They have been very good, and have arranged to bring another carpet tomorrow, for the same prie, jut a little bigger to do the room. It will be great when it is all complete…

Sometimes we experience delay with things… We can wait literally years for the right people o come along… But when they do, i makes all the struggle almost worth it.. I say almost… I have been looking for the right church for me for fifty odd years…  We cannot change other people, only ouselves, but there is a limit to how much others can expect us to deal with, sometimes, really bad attitudes…

An old friend has asked that I visit one occassionally, but in converation today, it reminded me of how much I had been hurt. We can forgive, but forget?  Well that takes time, and often a lot more.

If we go through life with a happy-go-lucky attitude, we find ourselves used as targets by others. Walking into a church building, full of people, and getting totally ignored, really, really hurts. We can bounce it off, but that doesn’t make it okay, and the wounds can go very deep… It is difficult to smile at soeone who totally refuses to look at us. It costs so little, but as hard as we try, they jus won’t acknowledge the fact that we are even there…

I have been there or my faith journey, not for what they wold like me to do, without thanks, support, etc.  I have stood in the street with a charity collecting tin… For people who are actually financially better off then myself.

But no more… I play a specific musical instrument… I’m taking it to where others like the same… It makes all the heavy lifting worth it… I have always loved music… It has a way of crossin language and culture differences…

My challenge at the moment is latin-american… Music to not only listen to, but to move to.

Okay… What shall we try this week? How about, taking at least ten minutes each day, purely for ourselves… Doing something just for ourselves… A long refreshing cuppa… A walk in the park… Even a cycle ride… I have got hold of a mountain bike… Nice comfortable tyres.

Or perhaps just a bit of time sitting very comfortably somewhere. Whatever it is, make it entirely for yourself…

Only then can we revitalise to cope with our own little corner of the world. And remember, keep -smile-grabbing!

Until next week then dear friends, same sort of ime, approx 6pm Uk time, right here.

Wannabe

[ArchiveParticipantParticipant]

Hi everyone… Wow! The heat! In the UK right now it is hot! So ice cream is the order of the day…

Something I did for the first time this week, after a very long time ago, is Wander into someones coffee morning…

In my case,, it was a local church, but community centres, and some cafe’s do them too. I did actually go with another person, largely becuse of my extreme nervousness. One place I went to, years ago, people glred at me, and moved away. I say glared, when that may have been their normal face anyway! So I would take my glasses off. Some people can be absolutely horrible, Can’t they?

This one this week was nice, and people actually came over to me to say hello. They were actually pleased to see me!  That is a wonderful feeling… To be honest, we have a uman need for that feeling.. It has nothing to do with money, but a simple need and wish to connect with each other… Wih me, no less!

That might be something we could all try this week… Churches tend to be less demanding than other clubs and societies. You don’t have to join!  Another thing is hat sometimes they have really nice cake!

I cannot remember any of their names, but at least we now know each other by sight, so each week, it is a little something to look forward to. There tends to be a few items for sale too, like old CD’s and books etc. A little souvenir to take home, after a small injection of genuine friendship.

If the first one doesn’t work out, try another…  Search out that sense of being wantedin the world.

Go to one in walking distance, or take a bus into town…  Bookshops tend to do these things too.

And when you are ready to leave, just stand up and do so… It really can be quite easy, but oh, so, rewarding… And if it is good, set things up to go again, they are your friends now. Brilliant!

Modelmaking can be very therapeautic… Any type of modelmaking… But be wary of joining a club to start with… Whereas they used to be people helping ch other along with spare parts etc, now they tend to be very competitive, regarding what each of us has to work with, and there is always at least one person who has the absolute latest of everything.  You shouldn’t blame your tools, ut they do need to be of a quality that keeps up with your needs. You will soon stop practicing on a musical instrument you cannot stand the sound of!

I play keyboards, cheap ones. Old ones, and alternate between ‘voices’.  I play by ear, which is actually pretty cool!  Over headphones the keyboards sound pretty awesome! Some gear is from the late 1980’s, when electronic  music was beginning to take off…

When you get a chance, spend some time amogst people by water… Preferably moving water, be it a river, or boaing lake.  There is something calming about it. Next to a river near us are ‘Chat benches’.  You can sit there alone, with a can of pop say, and an ordinary person will come an just sit with you, chat a little, still sitting with you.

We are now in the realms of spirituality, however you experience such things, and the girls of ‘Celtic Woman’ singing ‘You raise me up’, on youtube.  It is a very powerful song, and, for most of us I guess, really doesn’t fully apply to anyone we acually know very well, as human beings are so prone to letting us down, and making us feel worth far less than they themselves think they are… Academics ar said to be ‘Well read’.  That’s all very well, But how many of them can actually listen? Or Write even… (Celebs tend to pay ‘ghost writers’. The name on that book in Tesco’s may not have even read it, never mind experienced the joy of having written it themselves)

What about doing an ‘O’ level evening class in English language/literature?  Take some charachters on a journey… Get them to interact with each other. It probably won’t get on TV or film, but you will have been on the journey with your characters…

Until next week then… Wander ino a coffee morning somewhere… And see how it goes…

18.00 hours UK time, 26/07/2024 Right here. And whtever you find yourself doing… Make it fun!  🙂

 

[ArchiveParticipantParticipant]

Hi everyone, another week done… Just…

For me, it has been far too hot, and the catarragh I get continuously these days has been a bit of a curse.

I have struggled quite a bit with the idea of being wanted in the world… Surely we all need that, to be wanted  mean…

one of the things that brings people together is music… Dancing even…  I’m thinking about joining some sort of dance club… Latin American looks good, when done extremely slowly…  I listen a lot to the ballads of the 70’s 80’s and 90’s.  Very melodic. Due to licenscing and stuff, people don’t sin in public anymore. In London, the tunnels of the underground would echo with song. Now, even carol singing has been tied up in greed and politics…

Anyway… To be wanted, we have to attract the attentions of another… But that is difficult when money becomes involved… It seems that ‘club’ and societies become full of ‘haves’ and ‘have nots’, the latter walking away because none of it seems fair…

I’ve long stopped trying to keep up with anyone else… Unfortunately, a lot of hobbies are now very expensiveto be involved in, but, On your mobile phone, you have a very advanced camera… Far beter than the old SLR’s we used to use, with multiple lenses etc. Also, No processing involved. I started off with flowers, cos the colours are often very profound. In the 70’s, it was colour slides and a projector. Now it is computer screen, and even uploaded onto the telly!  Also, not so many ‘other peoples holiday pics on slide shows’, that would, by natural thought, be incredibly boring to anyone, other than the people who wanted to show us where they had been on holiday!

But, we can now indulge in photography aound the house…

Do you remmber a tv programme from years ago called ‘Ask the Family’?  Fronted by Robert Robinson, it had a section called ‘Mystery object’ or similar. We would see images of household objects, taken from unusual angles, for us to figure out what the object was.  We can do that, and make up whole albums of pics. Maybe get published?  I believe that what stopped the programme was the weekly appearances of children in dinner suits that matched the parents, who just turned out to be high in the teaching proffession…  Never mind…

There is gonna be something that you and I are already very good at… A talent that needs developing into a skill… I used to think about doing short stories… Fewer words to write, But;

Getting a beginning, a middle, and an ending into around 2000 words is not as easy as it may at first sound…

Almost impossible in fact…

The alternative can take many years to get just right…

Can you sing? Youtube gives us music to sing along to at home, often with lyrics on the screen too.  Karaoke used to be very popular… But it takes skill and courage, not to mention the ability to sing in tune, which is not something we are all naturally blessed with. (Mind you, some celebs have their voice ‘corrected’ in the music studio, but where is the fun and pride in that…)

I love to watch the early editions of ‘The repair shop’.  Waching people who are very good at what they do, is amazing to watch, and the joy it brings to people, cannot be matched by any sort of monetary status. It takes many years to build skills like that, and it is often difficult to find artisans like that just anywhere.

Are you good at any sort of food cooking or suchlike? Even if you just photograph it and eat it yourself, having something just how you like it, is brilliant. Cos, when eating out, you sometimes never know what sort of meal you are going to get!!!  And if you happen to be one of those amazing people who can boil an egg, and then get the shell to co operate, without destroying the egg, Well… Good on you!   My only way for that is a meal deal at the local supermarket!!!

I play music keyboards… And for many years, I really tried to let my little light shine… But bullies were effectively metaphorically, and contiously blowing out  my ‘candle’.  Well now… I simply play on in the dark… And it is magical…  Obviously I play by ear… But I also cannot see the buttons I’m pressing in the darkness. No light, just wonderful sound…

Okay… What shall we do this week?  Well, the smiling is relatively cheap, although dissapointing when it doesn’t come back… But a lot of people never smile… We seem to be stuck in facial frowns, when not actively smiling. Be careful of the ones that glare all of the time… And listen to ‘Desiderata’ by Les crane. It is on youtube.

Until next week then dear friends… 2nd August!  About 1800 hours UK time… Right here.

Wannabe

[ArchiveParticipantParticipant]

Hi everyone…

Internet problems! It’s fine until it breaks down. I’m standing right next to the plastic box with router written on it. All lights on, but no one is home… so to speak.

Ask anyone, blank stares..

Today I am looking at returning to the world of work. I may have to work until I am 80! I can try!

There are a few things I am very good at. Now my burnout is easing, I would like to return to daycare work. I have relevant training and experience. It would actually be fun and good for my outlook on life.

Writing is a good creative outlet. No one needs to buy it, it is for me… I am looking at having a go at comedy. It is not as easy as it may seem, just look at some of the programmes on TV, where a character says something, then the awkward silence until the studio manger signals the audience to just laugh.  There often isn’t an audience there anyway, just someone pushing a button repeatedly giving a sort of laughter sound.

In years gone by, the skill was the character deftly getting the words around the pulses of reaction from a genuine audience, sometimes even waiting until the audience themselves went quiet for long enough for the inevitable punch line to be said.

I guess that many publishers lament the fact that they went into the business to publish quality work, only to find that, the stuff that sells is basically very poorly written, but just happens to have a showbiz name on the front cover…

You cannot tell people what to buy, and that fact shows up in all shopping trends.

So… music….

Good old youtube.

The song I am learning,  is ‘The impossible dream’

A friend is someone who will support you unconditionally. I am not talking about money here, just human support, loyalty if you wish.

Do you have any friends like that?

count on one hand.   Most people we regard as friends want something in return… Often more than we are able to give, and yet it is us seeking the help!

How many people do you know who are ‘There to be seen’.

Are they where you really wouldn’t expect such people to be?

Okay… let’s carry on with the smile grabbing this week…

I will try going out on my mountain bike this week. I ride on the pavement, cos the roads are falling apart, quite literally! And when there is no suspension on the bike…

Until next week then 9/8/2024, about the same time 18.00 hrs uk time.

Right here.

Wannabe

 

 

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[Author]

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