Sorry to hear you’ve been feeling that down.
I was suicidal back in 2020. I dug my way out mainly through reading philosophy. Now, I refuse to take life seriously. I’m not that fond of life, human nature, society etc., and I refuse to let it drag me down.
I’m angry that ocd has ruined a good deal of my life. My attitude now is ocd can fuck off. I simply refuse to listen to it. Its had enough of my life. Its having no more. My policy works most of the time.
Ocd is probably telling you lies.
I hope you soon feel better. ERP is a good therapy.