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  • #28684
    MistyMum03
    Participant

      Im really struggling with Pocd thoughts ?

      A few weeks ago me & my daughters was on holiday and i wanted to move my fringe out of my face and then i noticed my eldest daughter was stood close by and i had a thought that if i moved my fringe it would go on her private area so i moved away from her and carried on walking and then i moved my fringe and then i grabbed my hair which was loose and moved it and i turned around and realised i hadnt checked where my daughter was and feel so disgusted that i acted on the thought ?

       

      The thoughts always happen like this.. They are always what if thoughts.

      Always in the moment when im near my daughters or close female family members. I feel so guilty all the time because when i get the thoughts i freeze up because im scared to move and other times ive moved and have a thousand and one different questions/answers coming from all over into my mind and i dont know how to respond. My brain manages to come up with all different scenarios.

      This particular time happened a week ago. I was sat on the dining room bench and my daughter came and sat next to me and i had a thought that something could fall on her private area off me so i was trying to keep as still as possible then i wanted to get away from the situation but then had a thought that if i stood up, the vibration from me leaving the bench would then go onto her anyway so i didnt know what to do.

      I dont lie there at night thinking of things i want to do to anyone ( daughters, mum, nanna ) They just always happen in the moment.

      My brain is trying to convince me that im a Pedo and lesbian in denial.

       

      Last night i went to say something then had a thought that i would cause my boyfriend to move but then i said it anyway.

      What the hell is wrong with me?? If im a pedo in denial i would rather get myself locked up. I cant stand these thoughts anymore!!

      Misty Mum xx

      #28685
      Heartly9
      Participant

        I promise you’re not a pedo as if you were you wouldn’t care

        the things you are doing are normal things.. hair on private’s won’t do anything

        I too am a struggling mum, but at the moment my fear is when I say things I’m saying the opposite so when I say ‘I love you ‘ I suddenly worry what if I have said ‘I don’t love you’ and I’m finding it so hard to stop repeating myself in case I’ve said something wrong

        #28726
        AndyFollett
        Participant

          Your thoughts are the opposite of who you are. They are thoughts that you find horrific and repugnant and they fill you with fear because thats the OPPOSITE of who you are. So you might have the question “why do they keep intruding into my head” and the answer is because they are causing you anxiety. Like anything fearful, (tiger coming out of the undergrowth) you would be an idiot to take your eyes off the undergrowth and relax. Instead when you are frightened by something, all your senses become 100% focused on it. Heart rate goes up, adrenaline gives butterflies, muscles tighten, eyes and ears go into focus overdrive. Those sensations are distressing and they keep you focused on something that in your heart, you know is not a danger but your mind is saying “yes but are you sure? Keep focused because the tiger might yet appear!”

          So..how do you break this habit? You can continue trying as your doing (which as you have found DOES NOT WORK), which is avoid doing certain things that trigger the thought/anxiety and maybe youre also trying to “work out” if the horrible thinking means something sinister or will change you into someone you dont want to be. OR you can be brave and try doing the following.

          First, understand that your hot thought (some call it a rumination or anxiety driven compulsive thought) is being driven by anxiety. If it came without the anxiety, it would be a normal thought, passing silently through your mind and disappearing. It comes back and causes distress because it is an imaginary tiger that you cant stop worrying about.

          Next time you feel this ovewhelm you (or if your brave and strong you could go and lie down next to your daughter to bring the thought on and challenge it) i want you to focus not on the thought but on the anxiety. I want you to be CURIOUS. How is the anxiety manifesting itself. Enbrace it, invite it to do its worst. Let it wash through you. Feel it. Like riding a rollercoaster you will feel the adrenaline butterflies. You will feel your heart rate pick up and you might feel it in your throat. Your eyes will be wide, mouth dry, legs like jelly, shoulders hunched, breathing rate shallow and fast. These are all normal responses to help you flee or fight the tiger. Without these normal human responses we would not last long. Be grateful your body can do these things to keep you safe because without them you would be abnormal. So be curious what happens at the end . I can assure you you might feel exhausted, but thats all. No damage will be done things will be as they were before. Did you enjoy the rollercoaster? You must not be looking to stop it, but be genuinely embracing of it, say “come on then, what are you about.,.if i let you wash trough me at my command, and dont care and accept you anxiety, what happens?” Dont want it to end, but just remain curious and watchfull of the physical manifestations of your healthy human response.

          Then everytime you have your intrusive thought, practice going straight to the default watching of anxiety. Like a curious hawk. Be amused by it. Change your approach to fear and it evaporates instantly. You need to build new neural default habits by practicing this everytime you have your ocd thinking (even new ones) and you will realise that without the injection of fear, these thoughts are just nonsense and they evaporate normally. Good luck and dont be scared to find someone to help you (CBT or acceptance therapy) because you wouldnt get physically fit without the help of a fitness instructor so why not seek advice for your mental fitness. Practice the acceptance of anxiety properly though and you might be amazed at how simple it can be. Do remember though that embracing anxiety means genuinely from the heart rather than just saying it in your head.

          #28846
          Scared123
          Participant

            You are not alone. This new fear sprung on me just over the weekend. I literally was thinking what if I get the POCD theme and bam! I spiraled into what ifs thoughts and images that are breaking me. I feel like I’m slowly dying on the inside. I’m not scared I did anything inappropriate but the constant thoughts are agonizing. All my thoughts attach to my child because I love him so much. I would die if something happened to him

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