Homepage Forums Support From Our Forum Community Support for Families, Friends & Carers Reassurance withdrawal advice needed

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      Reassuring withdrawal advice needed –  Hi, my adult daughter has had diagnosed OCD for a year and a half now, it is mainly Pure O so morality and fears about being a predator.  She knows she has OCD and is on medication – she did three months of therapy with an OCD therapist when it all began but she had to stop as it was too much and she was focusing on her A levels – she is now at uni (she is pretty high functioning) but it continues to have a daily impact on her.  I (mum) am heavily involved in reassurance and I know that this is a real problem.  Right now, she is refusing to go to therapy and get better (until she fixes A,B,C,D etc) – and so it seems the only way to get her to acknowledge she needs formalised help is for me to withdraw reassurance.

      But, I don’t know how to go about this and am looking for advice.  Is this a plan agreed with her?  She is very, very stubborn and every time I mention therapy or external help, she gets very cross.

      Any advice gratefully received.


        Hi. You answered my question about therapy in my last posting to you.

        During lockdown I went under with anxiety and ocd. I had some on the phone cbt. It was mildly helpful. Best if one can see a therapist on a regular basis in person and continue till you see real progress and improvement.

        Withdraw reassurance with regard to specifics in any case. Keep passing the buck back to her. Like “What do YOU think?” It may seem brutal but it’s the only way.

        OCD can be managed and maybe even overcome, but it generally takes time and a lot of effort from the sufferer.

        Forum Moderators

          Forum moderators here:

          We just want you to know that you can also contact the OCD Action Helpline and Email Service to talk to or email someone who understands OCD.

          Our Helpline volunteers provide confidential information and support for people with OCD (and their families, friends and carers too). Most volunteers have personal experience of OCD; all understand OCD and how it can impact the lives of family, members, friends and carers. Contact our Helpline by:

          – phone: 0300 636 5478
          – email:

          Best wishes,

          Forum Moderators


            Instead of giving the direct reassurance, Maybe say something like… ”Let’s just wait and see… If necessary, Together…”

            This for me would mean that I have to not do anything extra, just in case, cos it might be a waste of my effort anyway…

            I could plan for tomorrow, but it may rain, or the trains be on strike… I have no absolute power over anything at all, and that can be a release for me… I don’t need to try and prevent… Because until x thing happens, I won’t know what to mend first… Trust it, until it genuinely goes completely wrong… And find that, in most things in life, it doesn’t anyway, so why worry…

            Many years ago, Hospital maintenance staff used to PPM’s, that is Planned Preventative Maintenance… It took up a lot of time and employees. So not it is, Wait til it breaks, then mend the whole thing, or maybe even replace the item.

            I guess it is a political decision. But a lot of equipment is manufactured to just  be replaced these days…


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