Partners OCD – am I doing the right things?

[RennieParticipant]

Mostly looking for a space to voice my worries as I am unsure who to talk to.

My partner has OCD. She has intrusive thoughts about abuse and then thinks she’s a bad person. She ruminates on all the ways she could be a bad person. She wants to tell me every thought she has on it, repeatedly. She’s looking for me to reassure her, as well as trying to reassure herself.

I don’t think she is a bad person and I think this is purely her OCD.

She’s not been eating and has lost a considerable amount of weight due to the stress and anxiety this has been causing her.

initially I was reassuring her, unpicking her thoughts with her, challenging them. I realised we were having the same conversation on repeat and wondered if I was doing the right thing. She thinks if she tells me all of the thoughts, then maybe there will be one that makes me think she is a bad person.

I did a  look online to try change how I’m interacting with her about it. I’ve stopped reassuring her. I don’t challenge whether she is a bad person or not. I’ve pointed out when I think she is compulsively telling me things about it and we agree to try go a few hours before she can mention it to me again. I’m trying to keep her busy to distract her from her thoughts. I’m getting her to eat some soup and bread but nothing more at the moment. She’s also at counselling and is going to call the doctor about it.

I really, really don’t think she is a bad person and it makes me a bit uncomfortable letting her think maybe she is.

I am a bit worried how long I can continue this level of support. It feels quite intense. I keep telling her it’s going to get better but I’m worried what if it doesn’t. I love her so much and want to help. Is there anything else I should be doing?

[wannabefreeParticipant]

Hi there. Simply being there for her is an incredible thing to be doing. Very positive.

When I was at my worst, my partner stopped reassuring me. And that is best, cos the mind will go around in circles, going over and over every little detail, searching for something else to worry us. Simply stopping, and not responding to the thoughts is very difficult to begin with, but with persistence, it can be done, and over time, the intrusive thoughts give up and leave us alone. Your GP may refer for CBT therapy. It is very good. A book that helped me was ‘Feeling good, the new mood therapy’, by a Doctor David Burns. It is american, but really helpful. There are OCD support groups out there too, and no one should judge, cos they are probably dealing with exactly the same issues, and will have heard it all before. Medicine can help too.

You will need to look after yourself too… It’s exhausting isn’t it? You need your strength to support another person. But there is hope. Grab all the help you can find on this, cos knowledge is power.

One other book; ‘How to stop worrying, and start living.’ By Dale Carnegie. I do believe that there is a audio version of that on Youtube.

As for myself, I am now in recovery, and able to lead a pretty normal life now.

Welcome!

Wannabe

[Forum Moderators]

Hi

We want you to know that you can also contact the OCD Action Helpline and Email Service to talk to or email someone who understands OCD.

Our Helpline volunteers provide confidential and unbiased help, information and support for people with OCD (and their family members too). Most volunteers have personal experience of OCD; all understand OCD and how it can impact a family’s life.

Contact our Helpline by:

• phone: 0300 636 5478 (this is a UK number).
• email: support@ocdaction.org.uk

You can also find out about support groups on our website – these are open to people with OCD and some involve family members too. They offer a safe place where you can talk openly about OCD and support and encourage other people too. Our information about UK-based groups can be found here:

• Local independent support groups: https://ocdaction.org.uk/i-need-support/local-support/
• OCD Action Skype/Phone/Zoom support groups: https://ocdaction.org.uk/i-need-support/ocd-action-skype-phone-zoom-support-groups/

If you don’t live in the UK, you can look for groups near you on the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) website. Look in the section “Find Help” and then under “Listing Types”, choose “Support Groups”: https://iocdf.org/

And please remember that you’re never alone – OCD Action is always here to help and support you.

Regards,

Forum Moderators

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