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      i posted on this forum a little while ago but I will do just a quick recap. Last year at the start of lockdown I was good, I had my brother and my mum at home I was enjoying being furloughed at the time because I got to spend time with them. After a month my brother and mom went back to work, I didn’t think much of it. But one morning I woke up and had this empty numb feeling and then that one though “I wonder if I’m gay”. It took me by surpirse I ignored it at first assuming it would go away but it was constant. I did everything you shouldn’t do at the time, ask friends whether they think you are, watch or look at pics of attractive men to test yourself. After some time I managed to find a therapist free on the NHS, he was good but I felt like he didn’t know what to do after a while and sent me to get some medication. During all of this I got a girlfriend, which was a doubled ended sword as it Helped but also furled. we broke up a couple of weeks ago and my anxiety has gone through the roof as well as the OCD thoughts, work is not going great at the moment either, also I’m really suffering from paronia, as in I’m wondering what my ex is doing, who she is seeing, who she is speaking to.

      im reallt struggling at the moment to keep my life together, the empty feeling is stronger than ever and the thoughts are the same power as when they first started.  I was on Citalopram but stopped taking it but I don’t want to be on medicine my whole life and I can’t really get through to my doctors as they say they are always super busy. I struggle to eat, i Struggle to sleep, I can’t really concentrate at work . My life’s just a mess but I can’t see it get any better.

      I don’t know what I’m looking for on here ? Maybe someome who has beaten OCD? Some advice or plan to get out of this rump? Just anything


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