I didn’t think I’d have to come back here so quickly but here I am. I recently got discharged from the crisis team and was doing okay for a little while and then suddenly I started to get really I’ll again. I fell into compulsions and rumination and I actually feel even worse than before. I’m on medication but the thing is my mind is racing but all I feel is numbness. I find it hard to cry and my mind is convincing me I’m a psychopath. I don’t want to be a psychopath. I want to know that I feel guilt and sadness and love and etc but why is my brain not feeling any of those things. It’s also telling me things like if my mother died I wouldn’t care or if I did something horrible I wouldn’t care. I’m a horrible person. I feel guilty at the fact I don’t want to commit suicide. I can’t understand what’s going on in my head. Maybe I’m meant for a shitty life. It’s just not fair. I’m sad. I’m hurt and my brain is convincing me I’m not even sad and that I just don’t care. I WANT TO CARE. So why is my brain going against everything I’m saying.
We’d like to help as it sounds as if you’re having a very difficult time coping with OCD – we’re concerned that you mention “ I feel guilty at the fact I don’t want to commit suicide.” We understand you’re saying you do not want to do this, but if you ever have thoughts of ending your life, you can call the Samaritans, who are always there to support you.
You can also talk to (or email) our OCD Action Helpline about what you’re going through. Our Helpline provides confidential support for people with OCD. Most volunteers have personal experience of OCD; all understand how it can impact your entire life. Contact our Helpline by:
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