If I’m at the point where I’m pretty much convinced I am all the horrible things my OCD says I am, what is the point? It hurts to be in my head and is terrifying. The thing is…even if I am fake and evil and predatory…I WANT to be good. I want to be a good person. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’ve reached out to my psychiatrist, I just don’t know how to live with this. I don’t know where this pain comes from. It feels like I made it up. There’s so much of it and yet I feel disconnected. I’m honestly broken and I don’t know how to fix it. If it’s PTSD, that feels like too soft of a diagnosis and I’ve never heard of people feeling like this from it. What happened to me?
