Obsessed about the past, stuck there

[Anon35Participant]

Hello,

I always find myself thinking about my past, the things I did that weren’t healthy and I feel guilty for it, ashamed and that it’s happening all over again.  For example I took too much pain medicines at one point, double dozing and I eventually realized it was not smart so actively changed that, but I can’t stop thinking about why I did it, and have these sort of memories of me at events and thinking ” I remember then when I was at that event I was doing not smart things ” so it makes me not enjoy the event itself.  When the event is non related to the worries I’m even thinking, and this is hard.

 

I have to remember ever detail of why I did something, when did that bad habit start, what time of year was it, what were you thinking in that moment, and I can never remember fully because I’m guessing it’s impossible.

 

Same goes for alcohol, I had a bad spell for two years drinking five days a week, maybe 6.  I figured out at one point I wanted to stop and I now have been only touching alcohol twice a week and I am really comfortable with that.  However I can’t stop obsessing over what triggered it, the events and what my head was saying to me at that moment, so when I think of events around that time, shame and guilt kicks in and I can’t enjoy the happy memories.  The happy memories are always non relevant things so I suppose I am saying I look back on everything with shame and guilt.

All I know is, I panicked about my health, liver and things and it all was fine and I’ve done tests every few months so that was like a compulsion.  Its actually a compulsion telling you that specific part of the story, so I can feel relief in almost justifying that.

 

I think this is OCD but I don’t really have any ideas on how to forget the past, accept things happened and just do what I do now.

As I say, now I barely drink like I used too, I never take more pain relief than I need too and I’m likely healthier.  Still a bit overweight but I’m a better version of myself than I was when I think of these things.  I don’t know why that gives me shame and guilt and it’s hard to deal with

 

 

 

[Forum Moderators]

Forum Moderators here:

Thanks for posting on the forum and we’re sorry you haven’t had many replies yet. Please don’t take this personally; sometimes it takes a while for people to reply. We just want you to know that you’re never alone and OCD Action is here to support you.

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We hope this is helpful,

Forum Moderators

[Forum Moderators]

Hi:

Forum Moderators here – just checking in, as it’s been a while since we replied to your topic.

We want to be sure you know that, in addition to contacting the OCD Action Helpline and Email Service, you can visit our website’s Resources page: https://ocdaction.org.uk/resources/

You’ll find lots of helpful web-based resources on topics such as:

• An introduction to OCD
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