I’m struggling with something like this too. I too wouldn’t be able to live with myself if such a memory occurred. But remember the memory is never ever accurate and anxiety can really convince you of something that hasn’t happened and even place feelings in a memory that aren’t real. It’s more of a fact that if you did do something back then you probably would have realised instead of worrying about it now, because the mere thought distressed you. OCD will forever convince you you are a bad person. The fact you’re feeling like this just proves your not. Memory is a really strange thing. Remember anxiety can easily warp it.
Us Ocd’ers care far too much for our own good… I’ve just suggested on another thread, a brilliant book that helped me, By a Dr David Burns, in America. It is called ‘Feeling good, the new mood therapy’. I need to get my copy back from whoever I gave it to! And something else that comes to mind is an article by Terence Watts, called ‘Guilt release’ , available from Diviniti publishing.
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