Before you judge or say anything, please read (also if you have OCD, this may be triggering so just a warning)
I am female and have always considered myself so, so I’ve always liked all people (both of females and males) because I relate to their experiences and stories. I always really considered myself different (basically a hetero who reads about men, and only sees them as objects), but lately, I’ve started to fear that maybe I am different. I would never get thoughts like this before, but now whenever I see a man, my mind goes “you probably wish you were just like them yourself” and I get images of them in my mind and I don’t know how to feel. Whenever I’d find anyone attractive, I’d always imagine myself in a relationship with them and nothing more. But now it’s just when I look at them, in particular, my mind just jumps and I don’t know why. I don’t even know if these are intrusive thoughts but they make me very anxious and nervous because I don’t wanna imagine anything just by looking at someone. I’ve looked up pictures to see if I particularly felt like them and I really don’t feel as though I do. But then I came across someone and I felt something. So I’m wondering what’s that about? But what makes things even scarier is that I’m afraid I’m not even into them because of all this. I’ve always been different but lately, I don’t feel anything. And it makes me feel very nervous because I’m now scared that I may be just pretending to excuse it. I look back at times I was with my friends who and try to remember if I ever thought of anything about them, but I can’t remember. I know this is a very odd thing to be obsessing over but I don’t know why out of all things my OCD decided to obsess over this.
