I’ve been triggered and I don’t know who to talk to.
I was fine an hour ago and now I’m in an ‘OCD’ frenzy, if I can even call it OCD.
I feel pure, relentless guilt over something I frankly think I should feel guilty for. It happened TEN years ago and it was a mistake I made as a teen.
as a result, I’ve spent the past ten years ruminating and the past 5 years or so thinking I don’t deserve anything, I even feel guilt when a good thing happens to me.
to make it worse, I add up the rest of the mistakes I’ve made, especially similar mistakes, and I don’t let myself move on.
the worst thing is social media. I don’t like to post about exciting things in my life because I feel I don’t deserve the attention. If certain people don’t like my post though – I’ll assume it’s because they hate me or think I’m an awful person.
the people who I’ve told about my mistakes in life tell me that they were bad mistakes but that I’m a good person and should move on.
I thought someone made a tweet about me – and the people who I was friends with at the time of my mistake liked the tweet so this is why I feel so awful right now.
I wish I could ask every single person ‘hi, do you think I’m a bad person?’ So that I can just move on.
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