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  • #8362
    Choking on flowers

      I’m currently dealing with a little dilemma here.

      As you all know, my current obsession is a fear of being a ftm trans person. I identify as a cisgender girl and always had for my entire life. But a while back, when I had a slight ocd obsession regarding being bi and fearing that I wasn’t bi, I had an intrusive thought about being a trans male. So ever since then, I’ve been obsessing about whether or not I’m a girl. I’ve gone through many obsessions regarding my identity (whether or not I was one, fearing I would forget my own age, fearing that I was attracted to the thoughts, fearing I wasn’t bi, etc.) but this one has me really stumped. Not many people in my life know how ocd works, or how my mind works at that matter, only my therapist. But about a few months ago, we finished our therapy sessions because I had pretty much managed to get over my ocd obsession. So I haven’t seen her since and I’ve basically just done everything I had learned in therapy whenever bad thoughts entered my mind. But now because of this new obsession, I feel like I need someone professional to talk to. There’s one problem though. In order to get in touch with my therapist again, I’d need to speak to my mom first about what’s been happening to me. Now if it were any other obsession, I would tell her. However, my mom is openly transphobic and slightly homophobic. I know this because of her attitude towards my trans friends and trans people in general. I feel that if I tell her what’s going on with me, she’ll think I actually want to be a boy and start to hate me. An if not that, she’ll just start spewing transphobic rhetoric at me and telling me to stay away from anything related to trans people (or the LGBT community in general). Honestly, I’d prefer advice from a professional therapist who ISN’T transphobic and just wants to help with my ocd. There is really no other way I can get in touch with my therapist again unless I tell my mom about my intrusive thoughts. But even she can sometimes misinterpret my problems. I don’t know what to do. I could always just keep it to myself and wait for the thoughts to subside, but I really want to talk to someone about what I’m going through right now.

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