Hello everybody, I am currently going through a series of very intense days. Just wanted to write down some stuff to hopefully be able to let go a little better. The most crucial factor here is that I currently finishing a part of my training as a teacher. Despite my fear of spending so much time at school and potentially getting Covid (normal classes on site in my country) I managed to work many full weeks until now. This is my last week at the school for the moment. It’s three more days that I have to hold on. I am very determined to finish this part of my training. I learned a lot and to me it was shocking (in a weird positive way) that I was able to work through all the anxiety all this time. Now, we encountered some problemes at work, regarding the planning of the coming months. Also, until the end of the week I have to fill in a lot of forms and finish off the paperwork. Being super tired from the past few weeks and these additional factors while still working full time I struggle to keep going. The hardest part about all this, as usual, is my spiking OCD. Today I had a few moments where I felt that I am losing it. Crossing a busy road for example and after that feeling that I caused an accident, caused someone to be killed. It’s a classic for me. I am the bad, terrrible person with zero control over his actions, especially if I am tired, nervous and scared. Allt this is happening at the moment so my OCD is attacking me hard. Then again this is the last thing that helps me in this situation. I just want to keep going and do good, honest, hard work with nobody getting hurt of feeling bad. Neither myself or others. I hope I can do it and that everything will be fine.
Advice, ideas, thoughts would be greatly appreciated!
Take care everybody.
