well first off ocd was scaring me because the thoughts felt so real and like I actually liked them, like I didn’t feel bad about them until after, which is what happens with all thoughts like these(even tho I’ve never acted on any). So for example I had a thought aboout my mom once and I heard that intrusive thoughts you definitely don’t want to do, but I really couldn’t tell if I wanted to
or not. I love my mom but my brain isn’t convinced at all and the thought actually feels like an urge sorta that I try and tell myself I don’t want to do but I never believe it and can’t tell if I do or don’t(but I really hope I don’t). Like it feels like the thoughts don’t bother me that much but I want them to bother and it freaks me out when they don’t. Like once I thought about jumping off a cliff and I know that, but at the time I really couldn’t tell if I wanted to jump or not and it almost didn’t freak me out that much, like it felt like a real urge that I kept trying to tell myself I didn’t want to do but I didn’t believe it even in the slightest. So like what if these aren’t intrusive thoughts at all?
