Existential harm OCD? Lack of morals?

[nixxe]

Last night I was watching a video about Canadian history and it brought up the statue built in honor of those who died in a war of something like that but my mind instantly went to saying stuff like “who cares if they died” and I felt good about it like some sort of psycho so I pondered about why we honor veterans to try and correct myself. This is the thing I hate about myself, I always question things humans should naturally understand and ruminate on it. Like why we love and care about others or what’s wrong with murder/death. Was I just not hugged enough as a child? I swear I used to be so empathetic before, now I’m evil. What’s worse is that I don’t even have anxeity over this stuff anymore and my emotions are very dull now. This no anxiety thing has been going on for like 4 years now so it can’t be a backdoor spike. I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore. All I can think of is that I’m either a psychopath or I have some sort of existential harm OCD or a lack of morals. I used to obsess over yin and yang because it’s about how you can’t have good with bad and vise versa and I would have thoughts like “will maybe I should do bad so we can have good, obviously it’s needed” and I would fight these thoughts, I don’t think about it anymore but I definitely don’t like the symbol anymore, not after OCD ruined it for me. I hate myself, it’s like I don’t know right from wrong anymore and the thoughts feel genuine. I don’t even know how I got this way. One day I had major anxiety and was Afraid of going insnane and killing people and now it’s like I don’t care if someone dies. What is wrong with me? What do I do? Will I ever be able to love again? Please understand that I don’t want to think like this, otherwise I wouldn’t constantly try to fix myself mentally. I just want to be normal again.

(Transferred by Moderator)

[Forum Moderators]

Hi:

Forum moderators here; we’re sorry you haven’t had many replies yet. Please don’t take this personally or ever think you’re alone. It may just be that forum users are taking a bit of  time to consider how to reply and support you.

And please remember that you can also contact the OCD Action Helpline to talk to or email someone who understands OCD.

Our Helpline volunteers provide confidential help, information and support for people with OCD (and anyone who thinks they may have OCD). Most volunteers have personal experience of OCD; all understand how it can impact your entire life. Contact our Helpline by:

• phone: 0300 636 5478 (this is a UK number).
• email: support@ocdaction.org.uk

And please remember that you’re never alone – OCD Action is always here to help and support you.

Best wishes,

Forum Moderators

[Author]

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