Enjoy reflecting on life

[wannabefreeParticipant]

Hi everyone… Well… We’ve got through… To be honest, we had DVD movies on yesterday… I had one small bottle of booze… And a bit to eat. I found myself washing my hands more than usual… My Ocd struck with a vengeance… Maybe it was the stress… It was a blip. Christmas is not a good time for me… It ends to be a catalyst for years of depression. We’re supposed to be happy at this time of year… And yet, with the covid situation we’ve had to endure a lot of fear, a lot of sadness. To be fair, it has been a little Christmas this year… For all the fear over shopping , and going out in the car, everything turned out okay, no food poisoning… No massive outcry in the news about supermarkets… All the fast food restaurants will open in the new year, okay, mainly for takeaway, but they will still trade .  We’ll carry on coping as our CBT suggests. I had sandwiches whilst sat at the computer. Is there anything on the keys? I really don’t know, but it has always been okay before. To be honest, I’ve not played the music keyboards… I just haven’t felt like playing Christmas carols this year, … Maybe things will look a bit better by Easter… Things are looking hopeful with the new vaccines. Hopefully we’ll all be okay after Dec 30’th when my country comes out of the european union. I’m retired, so I haven’t got a job to worry about. My home is local housing assosciation, and rented, so no building maintenance… The Christmas lights have kept working… Right now, right this minute, I feel just about okay. And that is a massive positive. And a massive positive can be built on. Tomorrow, being Sunday, would have been church… We’ll just have to see what is on Telly. We watch ‘Songs of praise’ in England. I’ve just looked at the top of my drinks bottle. It had a ‘Crown’ cap on it. Is that clean? Have they ever been clean? And what about ring pull cans… Have they ever been clean? We don’t know, but I’ve never cleaned them before use. Some of the older ones of us will remember the time before ring pulls… We had a special opener to pierce the top of drinks cans… We lived… And that is evidence to show that they are okay. How could you clean a crisp packet? In truth, We can’t, and never have been able to. It has been okay. We do actually need a few bad germs for our natural defences to strengthen on. There are good germs and bacteria around us. For a while, I used to worry about getting car screenwash on my hands… But thinking about it, our hands are used to eat food. We manage without perfectly clean hands, but actually inhale the vapour of screenwash when driving…. We always have. When we inhale it goes straight into the bloodstream. We must be pretty resilient! When I was helping to dish up Christmas dinner, I wondered about the new plates… They were bought at a supermarket… We did rinse them before use as it said on the labels. But just once… I don’t know if they were perfect… But we survived… That is evidence for our defence. If it is safe for others, then it is safe for me… Just like the supermarket till. To be honest I don’t normally bother to look. I’ve no idea what is on the dinnerplate before food is applied. We’ve never sprayed them, and the washing up liquid is not antibacterial. At least, I don’t think it is! And bars of chocolate… Are they ever clean? Mmmmm…  They used to be wrapped in foil and paper. And some even had cardboard inlays… They couldn’t be sterile! And we don’t breathe pure oxygen in normal living, our bodily systems need the Carbon dioxide too. All things in moderation… And if it is okay for me… It can be for you… But… The trouble with reassurance, is that with Ocd is we end up seeking reassurance more and more. Acceptance, on the other hand, is different… When my wife/carer prepares food for a meal, she is nowhere near as conscientious as me, cos she doesn’t have Ocd… If we can casually observe what others do, and accept it as being okay, we can build ourselves a store of evidence against the thoughts and voices that seek to torment us. It doesn’t make others ill does it? Cos of course, like ourselves they have bodily resistance naturally. Mmmm…. That is a comforting thought…

God bless you for reading.

Wannabe

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