My thoughts are so debilitating I know it’s ocd. But before I was a zombie, unfortunately now I’m just more functioning even though the anxiety is still there. I get dreams too sometimes snd I hate it, I wake up every day feeling anxious because of either a dream or not wanting to sleep because I don’t want the dreams. I already suffer from terrible nightmares so it makes even more sense that these thoughts would attack me in my sleep too. I’m worried because I was watching a show and there was to girls who were a couple, and the one girl was super nice and sweet and funny, and as I was watching I got this feeling in my stomach like I thought they were cute or something and I’m freaking out now because it felt like I was feeling happy or something watching them, which I guess is totally normal because there is nothing wrong with it. But she was being funny almost flirting and it felt as if I was feeling attraction or a weird excitement feeling watching it and then I freaking out and I still am and it just makes my heart ache so much. It felt as if it was because I wanted to be that way when I know I don’t. They were just being funny and I got this happy feeling in my stomach and my mind makes me feel like it’s because of them being a couple and God I hate this. I hate it so much. I feel like my body is just a shell anymore and there is no soul left in it. My heart aches all of the time and I’m constantly anxious. I get angry and irritated all of the time. I don’t remember the last time I felt genuinely happy. It’s been so long.
