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      Hi there,
      I long for a nice kitchen to cook again… I actually love cooking, it used to be my “best” time of the day when I was living alone during my bachelor’s and often feeling lonely… cutting vegetables and listening to a podcast or watching a not too complicated series. It is hard to eat healthy and regularly without a nice, clean kitchen, so I am looking forward to that. And I am absolutely sure that food packaging is harmless, even if several other people have touched the product before me. Whatever survives from what was on their hands is not sufficient to make us sick. I do feel subjective disgust, though. During my bachelor homeless people would sometimes come into the library and for example use the public computers. Once I saw a man typing on the keyboard and his fingers were black (not necrotic I believe but just extremely dirty). Since then I could never use the public computers anymore without thinking about this incident…


      My Covid test came back negative yesterday. Unfortunately it only says that the test was taken Wednesday but not the exact time so technically I cannot prove that it is not older than 48 hours (cause I will arrive in the afternoon). It is just impossible to get everything exactly right with these rules.

      I met another student from my program again yesterday and started to feel sad about leaving because I actually made some friends here and had plans…it seems everything just broke down because of the stupid apartment and because I did not have a clean nice place to live. The smell still haunts me, it was horrible. I am afraid I will struggle to use many of my things again as they have been in this repulsive environment now. I can wash my clothes and they will smell fresh again but I cannot wash everything…I dropped my keys on the apartment floor on Tuesday and could not properly wash them and since then I feel I contaminated everything by touching things after having touched the keys and by transporting the dirty keys in my backpack… This place was so awful.

      I took a shower at a friend’s place yesterday. She lives in the same dormitory but has her own apartment with a tiny kitchen and bathroom. Everything had just been renovated when she moved in, the apartment was brand new. It smells nice. It is a luxury place for a student of course. Would she have been able to handle the dirty apartment I was assigned to, I wonder? Is it just me or am I also often unlucky and confronted with extra hard conditions? My parents will say that I am just weaker than others for whom this all wouldn’t have been a big deal…but often I also see other students who were lucky to find a nice apartment with their partners because they knew the right people etc., or others even saw my place telling me that “they couldn’t live like this” (and they were never forced to!). Sometimes I think I am actually stronger than others…I don’t know. Still I am the one going back now while the other girl from the dormitory can stay. It makes me feel a little bitter…





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