I’ve been wondering for a while now, but does anyone here have ocd obsessions regarding their gender identity? I just want to know to be sure I’m not alone in this. Here are some of my compulsions/obsessions I have had:
– I’m a cis girl who worries I could be a trans boy in denial
– I always assert my gender identity to myself by repeating the phrase “I am a girl” over and over in my head or sometimes whispered out loud.
– I write certain phrases over and over on paper such as “I am a girl”, “I go by she/her”, “I am female”. It’s gotten to the point where I sometimes write it all over my homework notes, journal, and sketchbook.
– I sometimes write the phrases “I am a boy, I go by he/him, I am male” to test out how I feel about it and every time I feel like it’s wrong.
– I constantly feel hyper-aware about how I feel in regards to my body. Whenever I get intrusive thoughts of being a boy, I look at myself in the mirror and start checking if I feel discomfort in my body, and I never do. I even touch myself in order to make sure I feel comfortable having this body.
– I look up pictures of men and ask myself “do I want to look like that?” and time and time again I’ve said no. I look at pictures of women and I recognize that to be my gender.
– I’ve taken many trans quizzes to see if there was any sort of indication I was trans, and pretty much everyone I’ve taken says I’m not trans and that I’m cisgender, which I believe, but then doubt kicks in and says “what if you didn’t answer truthfully?”
– I try imagining myself as a man to see if it is what I want, which I don’t really think I do.
I’m just listing my experience with this obsession and I want to know if anyone else has or is experiencing this or something similar. I just don’t wanna feel like I’m the only person going through this, and I wanna be sure others have experienced this same exact thing. And if anyone has gotten over it.
