A few years ago…

[wadeto16Participant]

A few years ago, I found out I had Ocd, specifically contamination and checking Ocd. I can’t go out of the house often and if I do, I must check multiple times that doors are really locked . But I then feel a compulsion to go back and check again and again and again. Simple daily tasks are an absolute nightmare as I need to wash everything my fingers touch, till it gets to the point of excessive washing. I believe that I contaminate everything indoors if I go outdoors. I feel that I will make my children ill if I touch anything, because I would have contaminated it. I am responsible because I know that if I touch something, I make it dirty and it is a nightmare, as I feel responsible for everything. But the more I check, the stronger the urge to check again becomes. The need to check is overtaking everything and I ‘m worried about becoming paranoid, worried that people will try to sue me. It is so bad that, unless I achieve perfection, I will worry about giving someone else a terrible disease and if anyone becomes ill, I will blame myself. I can’t learn from my mistakes and I make lots and lots of mistakes. I feel so guilty for being me. I know I’ll never be good enough. I haven’t found that there are things that I can do, l have no gifts, I’m just ordinary, but that is NOT okay. I cannot accept who I am, I tried to learn to lots of times. But I’m not competing any more, cus I can’t live like everyone else, if I go out I have to be careful not to touch anything that could be dangerous, but Im always worrying if I’ve left germs lying around and if I have, it’d be all my fault if anybody gets sick and they will blame me. I can’t cope if I do anything the slightest bit wrong, I’ll tear myself down, and know I’ll never do a good job of it. Is this ocd or something else?

[Forum Moderators]

Forum Moderators here:

Thanks for posting on the forums – we just like you to know that if you want to talk to someone who understands, you can also contact the OCD Action Helpline – our Helpline volunteers provide confidential information and support for people with OCD (and anyone who thinks they may have OCD). Most volunteers have personal experience of OCD; all understand how it can impact your entire life.

Contact our Helpline by:

• phone: 0300 636 5478
• email: support@ocdaction.org.uk

You can also find out about support groups on our website. These offer a safe place where you can talk openly about OCD and support other people too. Our information about UK-based groups can be found here:

• Local independent support groups: https://ocdaction.org.uk/i-need-support/local-support/
• OCD Action Skype/Phone/Zoom support groups: https://ocdaction.org.uk/i-need-support/ocd-action-skype-phone-zoom-support-groups/

If you don’t live in the UK, you can look for groups near you on the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) website. Look in the section “Find Help” and then under “Listing Types”, choose “Support Groups”: https://iocdf.org/

And please remember that you’re never alone – OCD Action is here to help and support you.

Best wishes,

Forum Moderators

[Author]

Posts