Reply To: Saying one thing and then worrying I’ve said the opposite

[johna2Participant]

I know what you mean. When I used to go to church back in 2006 I used to have to say prayers over and over just in case I had said a prayer to Satan rather than Jesus. It got to me asking people near me if I’d said the prayers OK, or asking the priest for tea just so I could be sure he was OK with me and had not heard me blaspheme, which obviously I hadn’t.

To be fair, after another bout of OCD in 2020 I ceased to believe in God. I can’t believe that an all loving God could possibly create a world in which something as vile and debilitating as OCD could be a feature, to say nothing of all the other misery and suffering of sentient beings. I can honestly say that being atheist has given me more peace of mind than religion did.

I think much of the treatment of OCD these days tends to deal with alleviating symptoms rather than getting to the root of things. I felt that I had to do both. I know my view is unpopular in psychiatric circles, but it’s my life and my brain/mind so I go where I think the evidence leads. I found that religion was at the root of my blasphemy OCD, part of the problem rather than a solution, so I got rid of it.

If I were you I would keep to saying “I love you”, but only when I REALLY felt it. Too many people say “love you” in the same way that shop assistants say “have a nice day”, on auto pilot. Dont say “I love you” as a test or as a compulsion or for reassurance. Try to cultivate awareness. Like, am I really feeling this? Is it sincere? If its not, don’t keep saying it. And never try to force yourself to feel anything. That will only block the spontaneous emergence of genuine feeling.

Hope that helps.