Reply To: I am a not a good man

[Anon35ParticipantParticipant]

Well hello people who replied to this thread.  It’s been like a year, wow.  Me and my wife are still together and we worked on things.  She was fine with my fantasies just shocked and didn’t want to ever know them.  We started being more Intimate and things were great.  I would say we are getting on like we used to but we still lack intimacy and it’s hard for both of us to be honest.  However we are making a point of being more affectionate going forward.

 

Anyway, so I still work with this women who was described in the post and still occasionally fantasize about her because well she’s attractive and that’s the way it is I can’t change that.  However today, my actual boss says to me ” she definitely has a crush on you ” which has really messed with my head.  I was kind of panicked like ” no I don’t want to know that, I don’t even need to know that ” so I asked how he knew and he just says ” I know these things with a smug smile on his face and walks out ”

I like my new boss, but for a married man with OCD I’m not sure I want to know this.  It creates all these obsessive thoughts of ” what if I can now pursue this, what if she will want me to pursue this, doors open , go ahead and do it ” that idea is absolutely terrifying, I am scared because I was content knowing my fantasies were in my head but where on earth does someone find that out?  He was likely joking or what ever else but I cannot have that kind of rumor going around, I think it’s nice to know someone fancies you, better than thinking your a big huge mess right?

 

However, I think ahead and cannot seem to put it on perspective that it means I must do something.  Infact I am actually kind of now inclined to not talk much to her because I absolutely don’t want her to think I may feel the same way, because sexually???  Yes please if I was single, but romantically, not a chance, her personality is not that of my wife’s, she is not my wife.

So I am obsessing and thinking about every single possible scenario under the sign, living in the future that I will infact act on this known new information, or that I will let down my guard and be the type of guy who cheats.

My wife is on a night out tonight and if she comes home horny that’s fine, maybe some dude got her turned on, but she was looking gorgeous tonight and it’s in these moments when I know that’s all I ever need.  We have a date night every Saturday which has been good, but need to spice it up a bit, all we see is one another in jammies and half ass tired from parenting.  She even said to me the other day that she thinks I’m more attractive now than when we first met, so why ob earth would I want to hurt her, I know I wouldn’t and that comment really made me happy, it instantly rises self esteem.  She’s says I’ve aged very well or something.

 

Don’t really know how to handle this, because emy OCD is just telling me ” I must find out if she has a crush on me, I must know so that I can prove to myself I won’t cheat, so I must know ”

 

It’s actually a pretty stupid thing for a person to say, so im assuming it’s a joke and I should let it slide past.  She’s leaving her job in two weeks anyway, so I likely will never communicate with her again, so that’s fine.

 

I generally feel like I’ve had some sort of affair lol and I haven’t even text this women outside of work, engaged with her outside of work or even remotely tried to make it clear I would infact want her.  Hearing the crush thing, has absolutely ruined my brain, because I only want to look, I have never wanted to touch, and I haven’t so I should at least give myself some credit right?