You say…. “have to ask myself these horrible disgusting things to feel disgusted and horrified enough before I can move on”

    I guess I may have done this……manufacturing feelings of horror. But what tends to happen is that the more we do this the more blunted we feel. Never quite horrified enough. So we have to do it again. Exhausting!

    Rather than doing what you do, try to just let it pass. Manufacturing feelings of horror is a compulsion.