Desperately need help

[yearsandyearsParticipant]

Ive had OCD in my life since around the age of ten, but I did something I felt was pretty disgusting in my teens ,this was over fifty years ago, but it has haunted me ever since., although I never ever harmed anyone just hurt my inner self.
Ocd really kicked in big time after I had my first child over forty years ago,, but thought I had learnt how to deal with this with the help of medication, however one thing still bothers me. I literally torture myself as when I have a horrible intrusive thought I turn it into an even worse one by then asking myself in the same manner every time , would you ever want to do that , whatever it is …. knowing full well that of course I wouldn’t and would never want to but feel I must and have to ask myself these horrible disgusting things to feel disgusted and horrified enough before I can move on until the next time it happens and it does, They are often centred around harm too and it is completely against everything I am as a person
If someone can give me some sound advice as to why I torture myself like this and how I can stop I will be very grateful as I have never read about anyone that is like this

[johna2Participant]

You say…. “have to ask myself these horrible disgusting things to feel disgusted and horrified enough before I can move on”

I guess I may have done this……manufacturing feelings of horror. But what tends to happen is that the more we do this the more blunted we feel. Never quite horrified enough. So we have to do it again. Exhausting!

Rather than doing what you do, try to just let it pass. Manufacturing feelings of horror is a compulsion.

[yearsandyearsParticipantParticipant]

Thank you for that ,  you described exactly how I feel  when  I do this.

[Forum Moderators]

Forum Moderators here:

We’re very sorry that you’re going through a very difficult time. But please don’t think ever you’re ever alone, OCD Action is here to support you.

If you want to talk to someone who understands OCD, you can also contact the OCD Action Helpline – our Helpline volunteers provide confidential information and support for people with OCD. Most volunteers have personal experience of OCD; all understand how it can impact your entire life.

Contact our Helpline by:

• phone: 0300 636 5478
• email: support@ocdaction.org.uk

You can also find out about support groups on our website. These offer a safe place where you can talk openly about OCD and support other people too. Our information about UK-based groups can be found here:

• Local independent support groups: https://ocdaction.org.uk/i-need-support/local-support/
• OCD Action Skype/Phone/Zoom support groups: https://ocdaction.org.uk/i-need-support/ocd-action-skype-phone-zoom-support-groups/

If you don’t live in the UK, you can look for groups near you on the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) website. Look in the section “Find Help” and then under “Listing Types”, choose “Support Groups”: https://iocdf.org/

Best wishes,

Forum Moderators

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