Reply To: I am a not a good man

[Anon35ParticipantParticipant]

I spoke to my wife earlier.  She says she doesn’t mind we having these thoughts. She said really truthfully it’s not that, it’s the fact you thought and think about it, said you wanted to do it that has planted an image in her brain.  It is brutal to hear her say that, I don’t want her to feel that, to me it’s just having a little thought I didn’t want to even defend myself I just know that would be a really crap thing to read.  I do remember when we first started out together she told me she stayed at a guys house.  I couldn’t handle that either, I think nothing happened, I also decided it was pointless doing anything without evidence, so I know what it’s like to hear something you don’t like.  I get the feeling she won’t likely be able to forgive me for having thoughts about someone I know from work, but still trusts me.  All I hope is that she trusts me until the end.  I want to be with her but she’s not as into it as much as me, but we are trying, so this is what is making me feel so bad, that I’ve just made her feel so insecure.  I don’t want to hid things, I like to be honest, just didn’t want her finding out like that.

I do think I have an issue with thinking about it too much and get infatuated when people are nice to me, and maybe just have it on the brain way too much, or there’s something else there like I feel I like the thought of someone else as its taboo.  What ever it is, I know it’s not my true feelings, if I truly have a feeling for something I’ll not really second guess myself ever.

Just feel terrified and bad for how she feels and I made her feel that way, that she will in weeks to come just decide that’s it, plus the added fact the women night herself find out it’s because I said I think about other women and she was one of them.

There was a scene on king of queens where Carrie says to Doug one of her thoughts is Decon, his best friend and it destroys him.  That’s not real life though but I can see how it’s one of hers.

I just need some advice so I can at least move forward with a clearer head.  I’m gone emotionally