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#13436
Ray78
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    I relate very much. OCD – and it’s not just me who believes this – is a very traumatic condition to have for many people. I’ve met a lot of sufferers face to face (and online) and not one was an awful person regardless of what was going on in their mind. I’ve had the most terrifying experiences with OCD my whole adult life and it’s impacted on my career, relationships with family members and much more. However with hindsight – and I hope this is helpful – despite what I feared I never lost my identity. It just felt that way. I can read between the lines – your post I mean – and really feel for you because I know exactly what it’s like to feel terror at the prospect of becoming …. in my case … one of them. This started in 1995 – 1995! I can’t believe it to be honest BUT It’s been very manageable at times (sometimes lengthy periods of time) and I did pretty well academically, professionally for a number of years, travelled widely, got married and more. My point being is you can have a life despite OCD or with it I mean. You’re not your thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are “ego dystonic” which means they’re not in sync with how we identify ourselves – they’re unacceptable. It’s not the thoughts as everyone has thoughts they don’t like, are freaked out by etc – it’s the way OCD sufferers react to them that’s the problem. Try to be a little kinder to yourself – this isn’t your fault and you sure didn’t ask for this to happen and neither did I. Are you receiving any treatment?