The trouble with my contamination ocd is…

[wannabefreeParticipant]

Well, lots of things actually… Everything I touch… My hands, my shoes. And yet, a lot of people just don’t give a damn.

A friend of mine talks about an idea they have seen somewhere.  Just what is this ‘Bontamination’? It all sounds way too simple…

I worked in a hostel for handicapped adults, for a few months. I know we were expected to be pretty clean as staff. I guess to avoid legal proceedings. But the patients in our care didn’t seem to ever wash their hands. In fact, they usually didn’t flush the toilets, lid up or down…

I guess that, if any of them ever felt ill, it wouldn’t be down to the staff… To be honest, I don’t remember anyone becoming ill… The rules were there to protect the management company.

I found myself  becoming obsessed with cleanliness. Obsessed. I was spraying kitchen worktop cleaner straight onto my hands, scared that they were the most dangerous parts of my body. (An idea once suggested in the medical profession). So… What of this idea of Bontamination then? Something to put up against the dreaded ‘Contamination’.

Are things really that dangerous in ordinary living? If they were, wouldn’t we all be ill all of the time? We would, wouldn’t we? Literally, stomach churning ill of the time.

And yet, we aren’t. Isn’t that concrete evidence?

In order to survive in our normal environment which, is a little mucky at times, we must have some sort of natural protection, protection that needs exercise in order to keep up to date and strong, then, just maybe, a few stray germs might actually help to strengthen our natural protection. A good thing… That is ‘Bontamination’.

It sounds absurdly simple, and yet, amazing, all at one and the same time! It’s certainly very positive approach. I think I’ll try and be positive.  It works in most other things…

What do you reckon? It’s kind of a good idea, Don’t you think?

It’s certainly gonna be a lot easier to not have to wash quite so often now… Well, maybe…

It’s a tall order… Let’s give it a go, It just might get easier as we go on. A little bit every day?

My contamination ocd has been with me for many years,  so it won’t go away immediately, but I  have to start somewhere,  and I reckon that, If I don’t make myself poorly, then I won’t harm others,  nor they me… What if I just wash once each time after using the WC?

Isn’t that what the ordinary folks do? Actually yes…

I think I’ll watch other people in Coffeehouses for a while. Maybe even a burger bar…

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

I did!

We went out for a meal… There must have been 200 of us in this garden centre restaurant. We got a table, then I went to the counter to order. Did ‘Anyone’ have clean hands? Really?

In a word… No…

The only place to wash hands would have been the public conveniences, And the less said about those, the better!

No one had clean hands… And yet, that restaurant has never had a bad rating for the standard of it’s food. In fact, the garden centre/restaurant is only busy at ‘Meal times’… Midday, or early evening. At other times there is lot’s of space in the car park! The food is fantastic, and people come many miles to visit, even coach trips.

So… My Contamination OCD has me overthinking a bit too much, but only now, to prop myself up in my constant telling myself that my hands are no worse than anyone else’s, My shoes are okay, and that, going to a restaurant or Cafe, is a really nice, pleasant thing to do, when finances allow. My kids will be okay.  I’ve got tonight’s meal sorted, the cooker will be fine. And I can eat chocolate with my bare fingers, without fear… It was okay last time I did it…

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Look at this… Today I went to a chip shop for a kebab… The ethics of that apart, it does taste nice. But, Has everything got to be sterile? Money never has been… No coin is sterile… Look at the penny falls machines at the seaside… Is anything in there clean? Well, they don’t look clean. And yet, we don’t get ill. Well we don’t, do we? Right from being babies and children, we have rarely washed hands when climbing trees and stuff. Pram wheels nailed to planks of wood to make go-karts… We turned the wheels by hand and steered using our feet. Our hands would have been unbelievably grubby! And be honest, when going home for tea, did we use antibacterials? All this is evidence in our favour… It will stand up in court of law. I’m sure it will, and I’ll rest on a defence lawyer if I ever need to.

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

It can totally ruin an evening out with friends… Those stabbing thoughts. Did I wash my hands recently enough? Am I putting others, perhaps a child at risk?

I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me… But, They don’t really,  cos I have my own protection built into my body.

And so does everyone else!

In fact I may be doing others a big favour, simply by being here!

Now that’s not too bad… I can relax… Everyone else will be okay… After all, I am!  I think…

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

Right now, I’m just coming out of a really nasty dose of Flu. I don’t remember much of yesterday or the day before, my nose has been flowing, never mind running. I have felt awful. I must admit that once or twice I have wiped my nose on my sleeve, just to get rid of the water. Does that mean that my sleeves are riddled with germs? It’s possible, I guess, but I reckon that, mixed in with the not so nice germs, are antibodies that are fighting the Flu. It’s a good idea… And reduces the fear of passing my Flu to someone else. I believe that Flu is an airborne thing… So, I’ve got it from someone else, and me to them, as we are all inevitably breathing the same air. The important thing though is that, we are passing immunity around too. It is a natural part of our biological makeup. Something we have all had a certain amount of since birth. We have inhaled since we took our first breath. And the air we breathe is certainly not particularly clean. But we have been adapting all of the time. Viruses mutate, as do our defence systems, all without us having to think about it. Just as well really!

I find that Flu is my no.1 difficulty. It makes us feel really awful, and tired. I really have to struggle to remain upbeat, sometimes all I want to do is sleep. I know that this will only last a few days. So I leave something really enjoyable until tomorrow. Then, When I awaken, I’m raring to go. I have today as recovery time. And that is okay.

Well, It’s okay for others so, by the same rule of thought, It is okay for me too.

Okay… Time to think about preparing a meal…

Wannabe

[wannabefreeParticipantParticipant]

It’s based on a lie… I don’t contaminate the world, maybe it contaminates me…

I don’t intentionally harm anyone…

I’m a good person,  aren’t I?

Am I really horrible?

Really?  ….Prove it…

[Author]

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