I have OCD. It manifests in many ways: I have experienced Rocd, Ocd, Real Events OCD etc. I’m under treatment right now and I’m doing better, but it seems to me that I’m still obsessing about one thing: my own morality. I fear that I’m a horrible person and that I should confess myself to everyone in my life or just leave them alone. I think I’m unlovable and struggle a lot with low self-esteem. I’ve been wondering if I have Scrupulosity OCD, ’cause when I do a mistake, I’m filled with horrible, strong guilt and I can’t stop overthinking everything that I say or do. I feel hyperesponsible too. It’s like I should punish me or over apologize. This is happening to me for years, even before I have discovered I have OCD, however, I think it got worse and worse. I’m constantly thinking about my morality and being too harsh to myself. Lying or hiding things is like going throught hell. I have depression too and sometimes it’s hard to tell exactly what is making me so anxious. My thoughts patterns are very problematic and I’m sorry all the time, feeling tremendously inadequate etc. I’m a big perfecionist and I have a obsession for being precise in everything I say and do or it will end up bad. Even when I’m right about something, I still feel like I should be better. I’m constantly afraid that people will judge me as an hyprocrate or that I’m too hard to deal with. I doubt myself all the time, my reasons and everything. A stupid mistake is like a crime to me – I can’t even think about them as minor mistakes, actually. Big mistakes are even worse. Also, I hate repeating myself and I get so frustrated with everything I said, it’s like my phrases don’t make sense. I don’t know if everyone is like this and I’m overthinking (lol), if I’m just being responsible or if it’s OCD. If any of you could tell me your experiences with similar things, I would appreciate so much, ’cause I’m still trying to understand me too. Thank you.
